R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect. Its more than just an Aretha Franklin song. Respect is one of the most important things to a man. Respect encompasses his whole life.

According to Webster’s, respect means the following; “to feel or show honor or esteem for, consideration or regard.” In male interpersonal relationships respect is the currency. In a romantic relationship it is said that a woman needs love and a man needs respect. If she doesn’t respect you she will leave you. If she doesn’t respect you, you should move on. If she doesn’t respect you, there will be no fire or passion in the relationship, you will be “friends” forever.

To me there are three kinds of respect: baseline respect, earned respect and self respect.

Let’s start with self respect. People will treat you the way you feel you should be treated. Subconsciously you project your beliefs about yourself like a bright neon sign. People will respond to you accordingly. Much of how you feel about yourself comes down to your choices; how you behave, how you hold yourself, how well you challenge yourself and whether you do things that increase or decrease your T levels. A man must respect himself first. A man must behave like a man, plain and simple. He must pursue masculine pursuits. A man must not allow himself to be disrespected. A man must set goals and boundaries. If a man doesn’t respect himself no one else will. Self respect shows outwardly in posture, tone of voice and confidence. Strive to earn your own respect.

Baseline respect is what every living person gets. No matter what a person does, no matter how much we disagree with them or dislike them, they get the baseline of respect due to a person. At a point in my life I was the General Manager for a construction supply company. We had a large number of Mexican laborers coming in to purchase material. I had a great crew who all had respect for other people. What I realized was that when a new Mexican worker would come in they would be guarded, some downright hostile. After they encountered my sales crew they would change. They would usually leave our business with a smile and come back. The reason? Well, my guess is that they were treated like crap at our competitors’ lumber yards. They were treated with respect at our place. Its amazing what happens when you take the time to learn someone’s name and treat them like you would want to be treated. The other manifestation of baseline respect is the respect given to nature and animals. Don’t trash nature. Don’t harm animals. If it is necessary to kill an animal do it quickly with as little pain to the animal as possible.

Earned respect is the higher form of respect. This is what we as men strive for. Earned respect is acting in a way, not just talking, that commands the respect of other men. In the military, a new guy is just that; the new guy. He must do the crap jobs, he must undergo crappy treatment, he must prove himself worthy, by his deeds, of being part of the brotherhood. We should give baseline respect to all, yet never rely on it for ourselves. Respect is the pinnacle of masculine virtues. The funny thing about earned respect is that you cannot seek it, because at that point you are actually living for other people’s opinions. The way to gain earned respect is to seek your own self respect. Make masculine choices and commit to progressing in masculine virtues. As Jack Donovan calls it “be good at being a man”. Believe me, people will notice, and lets admit it, we all like that. In this case it will be a side benefit, the ultimate reward will be liking and respecting ourselves.

 

Polarity

I had some interesting conversations over this past week that have led me to think a lot about relationships and dating. There is conventional “wisdom” out there saying that being friends is the secret to a long lasting relationship. I know many people who strived for this friendship in their marriages, and most of them, if not all, are now divorced. Focusing on being friends destroys polarity.

Being “friended” happens for a variety of reasons. The “friend zone” is an impossible pill for an alpha male to swallow for two reasons; women find him attractive due to his behavior, therefore they would not put him in that mental “friend zone” category. Second, if she ever did want to put him in that category, he would never allow himself to be denigrated as such, he would walk, there are plenty of other women waiting in the wings for him.
So what does it boil down to? Respect. If a woman does not respect a man, she will not find him attractive. She can definitely think that he is “nice” and “sweet” and possibly her “best friend” but she will in no way have any attraction for him. I repeat, she will have not attraction for him whatsoever. Therefore, why would any man want to introduce friendship into his marriage?

Of course the question now becomes; “How do I gain her respect?”. The answer is simple; if a man respects himself, his woman will want to respect him. Self respect is a deep and consistent inner journey, it cannot be given, it must be earned. It is therefore beneficial for a man to learn to respect himself by becoming the man that he has always wanted to be. An essential element of being any man is a strong masculine character. This character is developed from being, from doing, from living, from experience. The stronger the masculine character the more polarity increases, the more polarity increases the more her femininity will increase in response. The major part of respect in a relationship comes from this very polarity. If one is a man, enjoys being a man, does manly things, behaves in a manly way, she will have no choice but to be in love with him.

A large part of self respect in a relationship is being able to walk. If she doesn’t treat the alpha man according the his expectations, he walks. If there is any behavior that is unacceptable to him, he walks. Any relationship will have its quirks and disagreements, but a man must know where he draws the line. A man must always have the ability to walk away, no matter what his feelings. Should he choose a long term relationship, he must keep the polarity up for life. Ultimately, the dynamics of a relationship boil down to this; the man keeps up the manliness, the polarity, she keeps up her physical appearance. She continues to dress nice, to wear makeup, to take care of her body.

In an attempt to provide the best content that I can for this site I often research other writers both in print and on the web. I signed up for newsletters in order to keep a finger on the pulse of what is going on out there. I now receive endless emails about “getting my ex girlfriend back”, “how to get 20 phone numbers this weekend”, “how to pick up on college girls”. That is all well and good, but what does it do for me? I can get my ex back, I can get those 20 phone numbers this weekend, but if I don’t have that masculine polarity none of it will matter. It will all just be a meaningless show. The key is to be a man, to enjoy being a man and not backing down from my beliefs. This is what the “Classical Man” is all about. This attracts women to men like white on rice.