Assertive Masculinity Part II

 

 

 

 

Another essential aspect of assertive masculinity  is masculine energy. What is masculine energy? I’m not sure that it can even be put into words. When a man has it you can see it and you can feel it. You can even see it in still photography, you know when a man has it. Women can spot it from a mile away and find it both irresistible and rare nowadays. I have finally found an explanation on this topic that has eluded me for a while. This explanation comes from Mishima’s commentary on the Hagakure, the Samurai code. In it he touches on the virility of men. He touches on mania. The author of the Hagakure states that greatness cannot be achieved in a normal state of mind. Men must be virile, they must act like men. This is why it is so disturbing to those who do not possess it. This is why people try to denigrate the jock, the masculine and the military man. These men, among others, posses a sort of mania, a masculine frenzy. This is what makes them successful. People may think what they want, but according to the author of the Hagakure, “Greatness does not happen in a normal state of mind.”

That being said, how can we gain masculine energy? Where does it come from?

Masculine energy could best be described as the overflow of a man’s internal state, its authentic, it cannot be faked. “Modeling” is of the utmost importance here. A man should have several role models that exhibit this energy. Having at least one who is living and observable is essential but the rest can be men from history, or even a fictional character that resonates with you. The important thing is to keep it as a tool that will advance you to your goal, rather than getting stuck in only acting as if and not being. Here are some of the things that can be used to cultivate your masculine energy. I will give one word of warning; as with respect you can only cultivate masculine energy for yourself, not for others.

Being the Man:  Years ago a good friend of mine made a very astute observation. He claimed that women are attracted to a strong man willing to be kind rather than a nice guy trying to be strong. There is a lot of wisdom in this saying. An alpha doesn’t judge people, he protects all, he shows all respect. In order to make any of the following work for you, you must first be “good at being a man”. Plain and simple. This is really the fun part of the whole thing. Be unashamed to be a man. Do the masculine things that you want to do! Life is worth living.

Posture: Posture is both a reflection of how you see yourself as well as a signal to others of your status. Posture must be actively worked on daily. There is a cause and effect relationship here; the better you feel about yourself, the better the posture, the better the posture the better you feel about yourself. Personally I have worked these exercises into my routine and they have helped tremendously. Give them time, it did take me about 6 months to start feeling the results.

Vocal tone: Like your posture your vocal tone and timbre of speech contribute to your masculine energy. Like posture this is both a cause and effect. Speak clearly, say less, speak audibly, and deeply. The more you do this the more masculine you will feel. The more masculine you feel the deeper you will speak.

Confidence: Ahhh…confidence. The Holy Grail that every man is seemingly in search of.  “Confidence” has been thrown around for the past ten years over the internet as the magic elixir for picking up women. While it certainly helps with the opposite sex, confidence is much deeper than that. Confidence is needed in every day life, in both the mundane and the extraordinary. Confidence is gained by expanding your comfort zone. Confidence can be gained only by action and proper thought. If you lack confidence there are two things that will help. First, you must think confidently. See yourself as someone who is competent and courageous, able to do the things that you set out to do. Journaling and daily quiet time will be necessary for this. You must also actively engage your thinking. Often, lack of confidence will come from your past experiences and your thinking gets caught up in a vicious, unconfident, fearful cycle. Its going to take work but the rewards will be worth it. Secondly, it is important to push yourself in your actions. Often, the most mundane things are causes of anxiety. Do you not like crowds? Force yourself to go to a party. Are you shy? Force yourself to talk to several people, particularly women each day. These may seem like trivial matters, but the little things add up to big things. Ultimately confidence is gained by action.

Friendliness: Jack Donovan compares the alpha male to an “older brother” figure. I agree with this. One of the characteristics is an easy going friendliness. Very masculine men who are confident are extremely friendly, kind and approachable. As a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons why so many people are attracted to them. They are also a father type figure. They are warm. Be interested in the world around you. Many big time alphas are knowledgeable about other cultures, well travelled and speak other languages.

Caring: This goes right along with the friendliness. Caring has often been portrayed as a “feminine trait” which it is, if it is expressed in a feminine way. Think of the stern master seargent or master chief in the military. They are stoic disciplinarians, and you don’t want to get on their bad side. Really, this sterness is caring. They must be the strict in order to teach men to survive almost unsurvivable situations. Often, a masculine man needs to be very stern, the disciplinarian. He does this in his role at work and particularly in the home. This comes from his ultimate care of the one whom he disciplines and cannot be compared to putting someone else down in order to elevate himself.

Virility: To me this is something that we often overlook. I have met several very masculine men in my life who were in their 70’s yet maintained this youthful kind of energy and enthusiasm. If my memory serves me, the things they had in common were as follows: they were either retired or ex military, police or they were foreigners. They were all physically active, mentally sharp, aware, friendly and paternal. What does it mean to be virile? Virility is strength, drive, manliness and even your sex drive. Virility encompasses all of these above mentioned qualities; I never met and older, virile man who was angry, depressed or complaining. Much of this virility comes from a long held belief in their own masculinity and a positive type of entitlement, particularly in regards to women and how they expect to be treated by women. As I think about it these men in their later years also possess clarity and acuity. This is how important T levels are in older age. No matter how old you are in the present moment, now is the time to start. Don’t let yourself degenerate in thought. Study a foreign language, music or simply study things that will interest you and keep your brain working. Never stop learning. The other thing that I noticed about these men is that all of them were fit even into their 70’s and 80’s.

 

 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect. Its more than just an Aretha Franklin song. Respect is one of the most important things to a man. Respect encompasses his whole life.

According to Webster’s, respect means the following; “to feel or show honor or esteem for, consideration or regard.” In male interpersonal relationships respect is the currency. In a romantic relationship it is said that a woman needs love and a man needs respect. If she doesn’t respect you she will leave you. If she doesn’t respect you, you should move on. If she doesn’t respect you, there will be no fire or passion in the relationship, you will be “friends” forever.

To me there are three kinds of respect: baseline respect, earned respect and self respect.

Let’s start with self respect. People will treat you the way you feel you should be treated. Subconsciously you project your beliefs about yourself like a bright neon sign. People will respond to you accordingly. Much of how you feel about yourself comes down to your choices; how you behave, how you hold yourself, how well you challenge yourself and whether you do things that increase or decrease your T levels. A man must respect himself first. A man must behave like a man, plain and simple. He must pursue masculine pursuits. A man must not allow himself to be disrespected. A man must set goals and boundaries. If a man doesn’t respect himself no one else will. Self respect shows outwardly in posture, tone of voice and confidence. Strive to earn your own respect.

Baseline respect is what every living person gets. No matter what a person does, no matter how much we disagree with them or dislike them, they get the baseline of respect due to a person. At a point in my life I was the General Manager for a construction supply company. We had a large number of Mexican laborers coming in to purchase material. I had a great crew who all had respect for other people. What I realized was that when a new Mexican worker would come in they would be guarded, some downright hostile. After they encountered my sales crew they would change. They would usually leave our business with a smile and come back. The reason? Well, my guess is that they were treated like crap at our competitors’ lumber yards. They were treated with respect at our place. Its amazing what happens when you take the time to learn someone’s name and treat them like you would want to be treated. The other manifestation of baseline respect is the respect given to nature and animals. Don’t trash nature. Don’t harm animals. If it is necessary to kill an animal do it quickly with as little pain to the animal as possible.

Earned respect is the higher form of respect. This is what we as men strive for. Earned respect is acting in a way, not just talking, that commands the respect of other men. In the military, a new guy is just that; the new guy. He must do the crap jobs, he must undergo crappy treatment, he must prove himself worthy, by his deeds, of being part of the brotherhood. We should give baseline respect to all, yet never rely on it for ourselves. Respect is the pinnacle of masculine virtues. The funny thing about earned respect is that you cannot seek it, because at that point you are actually living for other people’s opinions. The way to gain earned respect is to seek your own self respect. Make masculine choices and commit to progressing in masculine virtues. As Jack Donovan calls it “be good at being a man”. Believe me, people will notice, and lets admit it, we all like that. In this case it will be a side benefit, the ultimate reward will be liking and respecting ourselves.