Insecure thoughts can be debilitating. They can sap your energy, send you into depression, cause outbursts of anger and reflect in your outward behaviors. These thoughts absolutely kill your game, business opportunities, relationships and limit your success.
How many relationships or opportunities have you lost in life because of your insecurities? How many times have you lied to others because you were insecure in yourself? Do you realize that this causes a downward spiral of depression to the point that you’ve lied so much you don’t know what is true anymore?
This begs the question; how can you change? There are a variety of different ways and many of them have to do with your particular situation. What I have found that works wonders is practicing awareness, presence and for lack of a better term; meditating. This is a great way to get used to living in the moment as well. It will help your listening skills, your productivity and your game. In modern societies we’re not used to living in the here and now. Our thoughts are racing in a million different directions, making us dissipated and distracted. If you boil it down to its essence, the present is the only moment that we are really guaranteed, it is really all that we have. Why then, would we want to be anywhere else? Most people go through their lives worried about the future or trying to change the past. The present gets lost in the shuffle. Working on mindfulness will change that.
I am going to give you a step by step method that has worked and continues to work for me every day. First, you need to sit in a quiet spot. Find somewhere comfortable for you. It can be inside or outside, it doesn’t matter as long as it is fairly quiet. Sit straight with feet firmly planted on the ground. Mind your posture, make sure that you are breathing easily and well. Make sure that your head, neck and body are in alignment so that you can breathe fully. Now, just relax and breath. Hear the sounds around you. Feel your feet on the ground etc. Now just focus on being where you are at that very moment. Thoughts will rush into your head. You’ll start thinking thoughts about what other people think, how this person is trying to surpass you, what this chick thinks of you, what this person said to you, what you are going to have for dinner etc. Don’t be discouraged, you need these thoughts to grow and learn. Just gently remind yourself that all of those thoughts are garbage. What matters is being where you are, in the moment. Keep reminding yourself that the only moment that matters is the present. Focus back on the sounds around you. You’ll want to have a longer, more involved block of time in the morning to give you a base every day. Then you’ll want to set an alarm during the day to do this for 5 minutes at a time. You can do this by performing a shortened version of the above ritual, or go for a walk. The key, again, is to be in the present moment. Be patient with yourself and always remember that the thoughts will come in, they must or else you won’t learn. One key point to remember is that you are not “fighting” these thoughts, just deflecting them. In doing this you should not feel any tension at all. If you are tensing up and “fighting” then you aren’t doing this particular exercise correctly. It should give you clarity and peace. Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll feel like you completely failed at your exercise, don’t lose heart, keep moving forward and you will soon see the benefits.
What you’ll notice in a short period of time is that you are starting to give no credence to your insecure, negative thoughts. You are getting into the habit of focusing on the present moment and realizing how “those thoughts don’t matter”. With time and consistent work you will start to focus only on thoughts that matter. You’ll become much more adept at recognizing useless thoughts right off the bat and deflecting them. This also applies to thoughts having to do with low self-esteem, anxiety, fear or whatever it is that is holding you back. You’ll realize that these are just distracting, useless thoughts. Practicing this method will give you a ZFG attitude and outcome independence not only with game but also with business. You’ll also slowly begin to realize that you are happier and able to enjoy being in the moment doing what you are doing at any given time. That subtle, nagging anxiety in your gut will melt away to be replaced by your stronger self. Make sure that you are also doing things to strengthen yourself, both mentally and physically.
Finally, it is important to maintain consistency in all areas of your life. You’ll find it impossible to focus your thoughts while living in a cluttered environment. This is why you need to be, or become a minimalist.
Until next time.