What Does It Mean to Be Strong?

Being strong physically and emotionally is essential to being a man. Emotional strength is something that is sorely lacking in today’s men. Emotional strength is so important that this is why other men and women are hard wired to shit test you. Yes, other men will shit test you and if you think about it, you shit test other men. The reason is simple: women shit test to see if you are a worthy mate, men shit test to see if you are someone worthy of allowing into their tribe. Ultimately, a shit test is something that is testing your emotional strength.

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In short, emotional strength boils down to having an incredibly strong sense of self. The lion knows who he is. There is no angst, no anxiety, no worry, he IS the king of the jungle.

 

A strong sense of self is your frame. If you read any PUA sites or forums you’ll immediately notice that frame and frame control are among the most written about topics. The PUA definition of frame is certainly true, yet myopic. Your frame is much more than just passing shit tests and controlling your interactions with women. Your frame is your belief system. It is the set of beliefs that guide you in all interactions, not just with women. Once you’ve established your belief system then you must be congruent with your inner beliefs. This is often referred to as integrity. Behaving this way becomes your frame. You need to know who you are, how you interact with the world around you. Violating your integrity will cost you. The less you live authentically, the more depressed you become.

To begin with, you must find your core values and beliefs. Who are you and what do you stand for? What are your non negotiable stances? You should know who you are in relation to all things. If you don’t know any of these things then work on establishing these foundations. One of my favorite quotes on this topic comes from “Operation Werewolf”: “Know who you are by becoming who you want to be.”

Who do you want to be? What would you look like if you were this man? How would you behave if you were the man that you want to be? What would that man stand for? How would his relationships be with other people? Be honest with yourself. Remember, you are not living someone else’s life and they aren’t living  yours. In this quest of yours taking time to write in a journal will be essential. I would also recommend controlling your thoughts by mindfulness and presence. Once you have a basic idea then begin to act like that man. Action will be the only thing that changes you. Be authentic. As you gain strength your own weaknesses will be more apparent to you. This can be frustrating. For most guys it is demoralizing and they give up. While you will act to correct your weaknesses, you should also accept that you have them; every man does. As you uncover more and more of yourself in relation to who you want to be, your ideal may change. This is OK, it means that you are growing.

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Strive for consistency in your moods and behaviors but balance it with passion for life and fearlessness. While I am a major fan of reading and educating myself, much of your progress in this area will come from the ring or the gym. In order to know yourself and who you really are you must fight and you must lift. Getting into a ring with another man and fighting or grappling is a great equalizer; there is no bullshit. The gym will also teach this to you as 300 lbs is always going to be 300 lbs; either you can lift it or you can’t. As Henry Rollins said; “Learning about what you’re made of is time well spent and I’ve found no better teacher.”

Finally, its not all about you. Others are relying on you to be a strong man; society, your business, your buddies, your wife, your kids,, your animals and your parents. They all need you more than ever to dig deep down and become the strong man that you are destined to be.

Until next time.

 

Insecure Thoughts and How to Deal With Them

Insecure thoughts can be debilitating. They can sap your energy, send you into depression, cause outbursts of anger and reflect in your outward behaviors. These thoughts absolutely kill your game, business opportunities, relationships and limit your success.
How many relationships or opportunities have you lost in life because of your insecurities? How many times have you lied to others because you were insecure in yourself? Do you realize that this causes a downward spiral of depression to the point that you’ve lied so much you don’t know what is true anymore?
This begs the question; how can you change? There are a variety of different ways and many of them have to do with your particular situation. What I have found that works wonders is practicing awareness, presence and for lack of a better term; meditating. This is a great way to get used to living in the moment as well. It will help your listening skills, your productivity and your game. In modern societies we’re not used to living in the here and now. Our thoughts are racing in a million different directions, making us dissipated and distracted. If you boil it down to its essence, the present is the only moment that we are really guaranteed, it is really all that we have. Why then, would we want to be anywhere else? Most people go through their lives worried about the future or trying to change the past. The present gets lost in the shuffle. Working on mindfulness will change that.
I am going to give  you a step by step method that has worked and continues to work for me every day. First, you need to sit in a quiet spot. Find somewhere comfortable for you. It can be inside or outside, it doesn’t matter as long as it is fairly quiet. Sit straight with feet firmly planted on the ground. Mind your posture, make sure that you are breathing easily and well. Make sure that your head, neck and body are in alignment so that you can breathe fully. Now, just relax and breath. Hear the sounds around you. Feel your feet on the ground etc. Now just focus on being where you are at that very moment. Thoughts will rush into your head. You’ll start thinking thoughts about what other people think, how this person is trying to surpass you, what this chick thinks of you, what this person said to you, what you are going to have for dinner etc. Don’t be discouraged, you need these thoughts to grow and learn. Just gently remind yourself that all of those thoughts are garbage. What matters is being where you are, in the moment. Keep reminding yourself that the only moment that matters is the present. Focus back on the sounds around you. You’ll want to have a longer, more involved block of time in the morning to give you a base every day. Then you’ll want to set an alarm during the day to do this for 5 minutes at a time. You can do this by performing a shortened version of the above ritual, or go for a walk. The key, again, is to be in the present moment. Be patient with yourself and always remember that the thoughts will come in, they must or else you won’t learn. One key point to remember is that you are not “fighting” these thoughts, just deflecting them. In doing this you should not feel any tension at all. If you are tensing up and “fighting” then you aren’t doing this particular exercise correctly. It should give you clarity and peace. Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll feel like you completely failed at your exercise, don’t lose heart, keep moving forward and you will soon see the benefits.
What you’ll notice in a short period of time is that you are starting to give no credence to your insecure, negative thoughts. You are getting into the habit of focusing on the present moment and realizing how “those thoughts don’t matter”. With time and consistent work you will start to focus only on thoughts that matter. You’ll become much more adept at recognizing useless thoughts right off the bat and deflecting them. This also applies to thoughts having to do with low self-esteem, anxiety, fear or whatever it is that is holding you back. You’ll realize that these are just distracting, useless thoughts. Practicing this method will give you a ZFG attitude and outcome independence not only with game but also with business. You’ll also slowly begin to realize that you are happier and able to enjoy being in the moment doing what you are doing at any given time. That subtle, nagging anxiety in your gut will melt away to be replaced by your stronger self. Make sure that you are also doing things to strengthen yourself, both mentally and physically.

Finally, it is important to maintain consistency in all areas of your life. You’ll find it impossible to focus your thoughts while living in a cluttered environment. This is why you need to be, or become a minimalist.

Until next time.