R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Respect. Its more than just an Aretha Franklin song. Respect is one of the most important things to a man. Respect encompasses his whole life.

According to Webster’s, respect means the following; “to feel or show honor or esteem for, consideration or regard.” In male interpersonal relationships respect is the currency. In a romantic relationship it is said that a woman needs love and a man needs respect. If she doesn’t respect you she will leave you. If she doesn’t respect you, you should move on. If she doesn’t respect you, there will be no fire or passion in the relationship, you will be “friends” forever.

To me there are three kinds of respect: baseline respect, earned respect and self respect.

Let’s start with self respect. People will treat you the way you feel you should be treated. Subconsciously you project your beliefs about yourself like a bright neon sign. People will respond to you accordingly. Much of how you feel about yourself comes down to your choices; how you behave, how you hold yourself, how well you challenge yourself and whether you do things that increase or decrease your T levels. A man must respect himself first. A man must behave like a man, plain and simple. He must pursue masculine pursuits. A man must not allow himself to be disrespected. A man must set goals and boundaries. If a man doesn’t respect himself no one else will. Self respect shows outwardly in posture, tone of voice and confidence. Strive to earn your own respect.

Baseline respect is what every living person gets. No matter what a person does, no matter how much we disagree with them or dislike them, they get the baseline of respect due to a person. At a point in my life I was the General Manager for a construction supply company. We had a large number of Mexican laborers coming in to purchase material. I had a great crew who all had respect for other people. What I realized was that when a new Mexican worker would come in they would be guarded, some downright hostile. After they encountered my sales crew they would change. They would usually leave our business with a smile and come back. The reason? Well, my guess is that they were treated like crap at our competitors’ lumber yards. They were treated with respect at our place. Its amazing what happens when you take the time to learn someone’s name and treat them like you would want to be treated. The other manifestation of baseline respect is the respect given to nature and animals. Don’t trash nature. Don’t harm animals. If it is necessary to kill an animal do it quickly with as little pain to the animal as possible.

Earned respect is the higher form of respect. This is what we as men strive for. Earned respect is acting in a way, not just talking, that commands the respect of other men. In the military, a new guy is just that; the new guy. He must do the crap jobs, he must undergo crappy treatment, he must prove himself worthy, by his deeds, of being part of the brotherhood. We should give baseline respect to all, yet never rely on it for ourselves. Respect is the pinnacle of masculine virtues. The funny thing about earned respect is that you cannot seek it, because at that point you are actually living for other people’s opinions. The way to gain earned respect is to seek your own self respect. Make masculine choices and commit to progressing in masculine virtues. As Jack Donovan calls it “be good at being a man”. Believe me, people will notice, and lets admit it, we all like that. In this case it will be a side benefit, the ultimate reward will be liking and respecting ourselves.

 

“Romance”

When I was in 8th grade there was one particular girl whom every boy was in love with. She was absolutely beautiful. She was part Finnish which gave her an amazing look. Not only do I remember her, as I was one of those boys with the crush on her, but I also remember her father. He would come to pick her up from school. He was a kind man, and you could tell that he was very handsome. The other thing that you could also tell was that he had given up. He was a beaten man, he was depressed and looking back I can see that he had settled in his life. I heard that he and his wife later divorced. I don’t know why this happened but most likely there was no longer any polarity or attraction left in the marriage. He married because he was manipulated into it, she married because she was in love with an alpha who woulde degenerate into a beta, thereby losing all of her attraction and respect for him. I remember looking at this guy and thinking to myself, “being married sucks!”. I wanted no part of what he had; my 14 year old self realized that a miserable existence like that was not for me, not for any man. As I grew older it seemed that the hordes of depressed, married fathers driving mini vans only grew. I kept observing and realizing that not a single one of them had anything that I desired. I must admit that at this time these were confusing thoughts to me, after all this was the “way it was supposed to be” yet it seemed so wrong, so out of balance.

I once witnessed two co workers having birthdays on the same day. One was a female, the other male. They swapped birthday presents. He then gave her another one, then another one and then another one. She smiled, laughed, giggled and lost any attraction that she may have felt for him right then and there. He knows it deep down, yet if he is like most guys in America today he will continue to try to buy her affection with material gifts and sweet words and attention. Unfortunately he has not yet learned the cold, hard fact that giving women gifts does not in any way get you where you want to be, unless for some reason you want to be a girly man beta orbiter for years to come. While he is going to try to “nice guy” his way into her heart, she will be salivating for a man who confidently strolls through life, whom she can respect. She will do whatever it takes to win that man’s attention. Don’t get me wrong, she will let the beta orbiter hang around, maybe for years, because after all girls do like the attention.

So, this puts us in an interesting spot. If these two examples have nothing that we want, and actually turn us off, where do we go from here? Well, the answer is easy; be your own man. It is really amazing how so many things in life seem complicated yet can boiled down to their essence pretty easily. This is the whole truth about relationships. Chris Kyle in his book, “American Sniper” put it pretty well. His priorities were God, country, family; pure and simple. This comes from one of the greatest warriors of our age, a man whose life was cut way too short.

This is where we come to one of the most fundamental truths that I have discovered in relationships; women will stay with and respect a strong man who is willing to be kind, yet they will never, can never, respect a nice guy trying to be strong. In contemporary society, I believe that people mistake “niceness” for “kindness”. Let me elaborate; “nice” is about manipulation, control and trying to affect an outcome by behavior. it is actually a method of control. Deep down I believe that all “nice” guys are actually angry and passive aggressive. Kindness on the other hand comes from a position of strength, it is a moral virtue. Kindness is given with no expectation of repayment, it is chivalric. In order to be kind, a man must be strong. In order to be kind, a man must not care what others think about or have to say about him. In order to be kind a man must be willing to suffer ridicule. I believe that this is exactly what Jack Donovan wrote of in his book “The Way of Men”. In order to be a good man (kindness) a man must first be good at being a man (strength). Nice guys do finish last. This is not a travesty, it is a self inflicted death sentence. Kind men don’t finish last because they have already won by their strength and self respect.

 

Display of Higher Value

I was recently at a gun show and witnessed DHV in action. At one point as I was walking through the show, there was a couple walking in front of me. They seemed to be having a good enough time at the show, strolling along together. At one point, one of the vendors looked at the guy and said, “I love that shirt!”. All three laughed, but as soon as that happened, I was watching to see how she reacted. Sure enough, as they were laughing she slipped her arm into his so that they walked in locked elbow and rested her head on his shoulder.

I never saw what this guy’s t-shirt said, but I did see how quickly she reacted to stake her claim on her man, who had just been given a small amount of DHV. This is how important it is.

Polarity

I had some interesting conversations over this past week that have led me to think a lot about relationships and dating. There is conventional “wisdom” out there saying that being friends is the secret to a long lasting relationship. I know many people who strived for this friendship in their marriages, and most of them, if not all, are now divorced. Focusing on being friends destroys polarity.

Being “friended” happens for a variety of reasons. The “friend zone” is an impossible pill for an alpha male to swallow for two reasons; women find him attractive due to his behavior, therefore they would not put him in that mental “friend zone” category. Second, if she ever did want to put him in that category, he would never allow himself to be denigrated as such, he would walk, there are plenty of other women waiting in the wings for him.
So what does it boil down to? Respect. If a woman does not respect a man, she will not find him attractive. She can definitely think that he is “nice” and “sweet” and possibly her “best friend” but she will in no way have any attraction for him. I repeat, she will have not attraction for him whatsoever. Therefore, why would any man want to introduce friendship into his marriage?

Of course the question now becomes; “How do I gain her respect?”. The answer is simple; if a man respects himself, his woman will want to respect him. Self respect is a deep and consistent inner journey, it cannot be given, it must be earned. It is therefore beneficial for a man to learn to respect himself by becoming the man that he has always wanted to be. An essential element of being any man is a strong masculine character. This character is developed from being, from doing, from living, from experience. The stronger the masculine character the more polarity increases, the more polarity increases the more her femininity will increase in response. The major part of respect in a relationship comes from this very polarity. If one is a man, enjoys being a man, does manly things, behaves in a manly way, she will have no choice but to be in love with him.

A large part of self respect in a relationship is being able to walk. If she doesn’t treat the alpha man according the his expectations, he walks. If there is any behavior that is unacceptable to him, he walks. Any relationship will have its quirks and disagreements, but a man must know where he draws the line. A man must always have the ability to walk away, no matter what his feelings. Should he choose a long term relationship, he must keep the polarity up for life. Ultimately, the dynamics of a relationship boil down to this; the man keeps up the manliness, the polarity, she keeps up her physical appearance. She continues to dress nice, to wear makeup, to take care of her body.

In an attempt to provide the best content that I can for this site I often research other writers both in print and on the web. I signed up for newsletters in order to keep a finger on the pulse of what is going on out there. I now receive endless emails about “getting my ex girlfriend back”, “how to get 20 phone numbers this weekend”, “how to pick up on college girls”. That is all well and good, but what does it do for me? I can get my ex back, I can get those 20 phone numbers this weekend, but if I don’t have that masculine polarity none of it will matter. It will all just be a meaningless show. The key is to be a man, to enjoy being a man and not backing down from my beliefs. This is what the “Classical Man” is all about. This attracts women to men like white on rice.

Manly Fragrance

An important part of being a man is smelling like a man. There is a time and a place for everything. When you are playing football with the guys, working on your car, fixing something at home you don’t need to be drowning in cologne. On the other hand, when you put on that suit, tuxedo or casual jeans and blazer, you better be smelling good.
There is no shortage of colognes out there. It seems that everyone has their own brand now. Who knows, maybe one day you can buy the “Classical Man” cologne at Macy’s. In the meantime, it is important to find a cologne with the right mixtures that will smell good on you.

The most important rule is this: you get what you pay for. Brut, Old Spice and other “aftershaves” are not for you and they smell cheap. A good cologne will cost you, but worn properly a bottle will last you at least one year. You must find a cologne that smells good to you and makes you feel good. A good cologne will mix with the oils in your skin, so they all smell slightly different on each individual. It is good to experiment at first to find the right cologne for you.

I will give one word of warning; be very careful about most commercial brand colognes. First, many of them nowadays have a slightly feminine hint to them. You want to avoid this for the obvious reason, but also because when you notice the smell on yourself it changes your mood. For instance, if you are wearing a very masculine smelling cologne you will feel like a man, it will increase your drive. Who knows, it may even increase your testosterone levels based on your feelings. On the contrary, if you are wearing a cologne with a slightly feminine hint to it, you will feel more feminine, it will affect how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself. I don’t think any one of us wants to feel feminine.

Right now I am wearing “Dusk” by Herban Cowboy. I like “Dusk” for several reasons. First, it is natural; no synthetics. There seems to be some speculation out there as to the effect of synthetic colognes on testosterone in men. Secondly, it smells great! It has a woodsy, rustic, masculine scent. Women compliment me on it often. Third, its not well known yet, therefore I get a lot of people asking, “What cologne is that? I like it!” Finally, its cruelty free. I personally don’t believe that some poor animal should suffer so that I smell good. Men are not cruel to the innocent or weak; this means animals too.

.

Proactivity

Picture yourself on December 31st, it is about 8pm. The new year is just around the corner. There were several beautiful ladies who waited on your decision about taking them to a new year’s party. You chose to go alone instead. You are getting dressed, standing in front of the mirror looking good in your custom tailored suit. As you stand there adjusting the cuff links on your shirt you ponder the past year. You feel great, you feel confident, you feel at peace, you feel like you accomplished much. You set out to achieve your goals and you are reaping the rewards. You succeeded and you failed. You had times of joy and times of sorrow. You got through it all. Then there were the “friends” who put down your dreams and told you how your plans would fail.  Those who put down your dreams are at home drinking beer, eating chips and watching the ball drop in Times Square on the television. You have transcended that, you are living your dreams. It is time to feel good about what you have done. You realize that you actually are becoming the man that you have always wanted to be. You are living your life on purpose.

You are tempted for a moment to just ride the wave and enjoy it. You realize that is the old you talking. You remember that one of the greatest lessons that you have learned is that you must always be moving forward. You are either growing or you are dying. Rather than just taking your successes for what they are, you start to jot down down ways that you can improve on them. You can’t wait for New Year’s Day to come so that you can write out your plans and goals for the new year.

You know that you must always be proactive. You have learned that life is like chess, you must always be thinking several moves ahead. You know yourself, you know that you can easily go back to your old ways and just take the path of least resistance. “No”, you tell yourself, “it doesn’t work like that anymore”. You have broken out of those old patterns of thinking and being reactive.

You decide on ways to be proactive in fitness, and your business ventures. Suddenly you realize a way that you can turn your side business into something even more profitable, allowing you to explore even more entrepreneurial ventures. You find ways to be proactive in dating and your social life. What used to frighten you is now second nature. Now, women actually come to you. You are proactive in your ways of thinking, you think deliberately, useless thoughts have no place in your head.

Now the thought of just sitting back and being reactive is repulsing to you. You put on your suit jacket, make a couple of adjustments, and look in the mirror. You like what you see. It is now time to move forward again.

 

classical, masculine businessman on phone riding in car with laptop

 

Why Every Man Needs a Three Piece Suit

Every man needs to own a custom tailored 3 piece suit. The 3 piece is the most versatile of suit styles as you can wear it as 3 piece or a standard 2 piece without the vest. Wearing a custom tailored three piece suit to any function makes a man stand out above the rest.

Lets face it, most men do not know how to dress. We have become more and more casual over the years to the point that shorts, t-shirts and tennis shoes have become standard dress for most “guys”. That is fine for “guys” and boys, but it is not worthy of a man. A man needs to know how to look good. Looking good is vastly different than being overly concerned about one’s looks, the classical man is no metrosexual. Knowing how to look good and look sharp is an essential element of being a man. To paraphrase Tom Ford, shorts belong at the beach or at the tennis court. If you are not used to dressing well, then you are at the beginning of a very fruitful journey. The man who dresses well immediately attracts the attention of the opposite sex. The man who dresses well also grabs the attention of passers by and possible business contacts. People will treat you differently when you dress well, it is a difference that you will easily get used to.

The three piece suit will cost you a little more than a two piece, but I encourage you to spend the money for the versatility. If it is your first, or only suit, I would encourage you to go with navy blue or black. These are the two standard colours for men. If you have other suits already you may want to consider a lighter colour such as tan, which is a classic for a summer suit. For your business dealings a pinstripe suit is the ultimate in classical boardroom power.

I will provide a link at the bottom of the page for custom tailored clothing, including three piece suits. You design the suit yourself and it is made just for you. For a custom tailored suit the affordability is unsurpassed. I myself own several suits and custom fitted shirts from this company and am extremely happy with my purchases. Are you not so sure about designing a custom tailored suit? The interactive 3D program allows you to go step by step. You can also add an element of fun to the process and ask one of your lady friends over to help you design the suit. Believe me, they love stuff like that. While she will be helpful, remember that the ultimate decision about your suit is yours and yours alone.

This link will automatically put you at the custom tailored shirt page, at the bottom you will see the navigation menu for other clothing options.

earn_money_11

Until next time.