Dominance

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If you want to succeed in life you must be dominant. In order to work, dominance must be authentic, consistent and congruent in all areas of your life. You can’t be a pussy in the gym and expect to go out and dominate women or your business.

What I mean is this: look at the guys who are the losers, the 95%. Their lives are at the mercy of others, the weather, the market or the alignment of the stars. You name it and they have an excuse. They work jobs that they hate, living with women who don’t respect them and look forward to pissing away their whole weekend on video games and weed.
If they have a relationship with a woman, and I use this term lightly, they are dominated by her. They are dominated by her moods, her whims, her wants and “needs”. These are the guys who are married for 10 years and maybe get laid once per year on their birthday, maybe. These are the “male feminists” who march in the womens’ march flashing their SJW street creds.
Conversely, the dominant man is the one who has control over his life. He controls how he feels, thinks, what he puts into his body. He is dominant, yet respectful. He exerts total dominance over women. If they don’t like it, they are free to walk, yet they rarely do.
His woman adores him. He gets laid often, and many times it is her who initiates the sex. He dominates in the bedroom.
This is a noble pursuit and it begins with your daily life, habits and thoughts. You cannot be dominant in one area of your life and submissive in another. You must have consistency, integrity and have your thoughts and actions line up with each other. I cannot stress this enough. If you aren’t at that point then this will need to become your first priority. Begin by setting a schedule for yourself and living by it. Get your house in order first. Be authentic, because one of the greatest factors in being dominant is a true ZFG attitude.
Here are some ways to be dominant starting today:

Thoughts: This is the first step. Begin by consciously thinking dominant thoughts. You must get rid of insecurities first. If you don’t, you will become domineering rather than dominant. There is a huge difference. A domineering personality comes from insecurity. True dominance doesn’t require disrespect. Actually, the foundation of dominance has to do with self respect which in turn reflects itself in a healthy respect for others. Work on thinking thoughts worthy of self respect. Think positive, strong, masculine thoughts. It takes a consistent, focused effort to think in this way but it is essential to get this down. This is another reason why it is necessary to cut out the tv, video games and other distractions. These things put your mind in a passive mode. You want your mind to be in active mode, actively pursuing thoughts that you want it to and creating the life that you want to live. Live a deliberate life.

 

Boundries: If you choose to become a dominant force in your own life then people will test you. Women will test you. Expect it. Thrive on it. If you are truly dominant these tests will mean nothing to you. You’ll pass them and people will just respect you more. Some boundries that you may need to work on are as follows: your time, how people treat you, how you expect to be treated, your views of the world, religion, politics and your overall outlook on life. Begin by setting out a schedule for yourself and follow through to a “T”. No compromises. Get use to saying “no”.

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Style: Your style of dress needs to be dominant. Start dressing like a man: sharp, masculine and exuding strength form inside.
Business: Rise to the top. Be bold. Be outrageous. Be the man. Take charge of your work. Dominate your sphere. I will give you a word of warning in regards to business: weigh dominance carefully if you work for someone else. Dominance can get you to the top of the heap but it can also get you fired. So, you make the decision as to how you are going to utilize it. Now, if you are running your own game in business then you have no choice but to be dominant. The success or failure of your life depends on you: take charge of it!
Dating and Relationships: Take the reigns. You are the man therefore you are in charge of the relationship. I want to write a word on chivalry. The chivalric code was developed for warriors in order to give a guideline on how to act in the company of the fairer sex. Even on the right, chivalry gets a bad rap. Many well meaning guys believe that being a “white knight”, and pedastilizing women is chivalry. Conversely, many guys think that they should only treat “ladies” with respect nowadays. Both are wrong and have nothing to do with chivalry. Chivalry is about dominance in the public sphere, this is why man-hating feminists hate it. This is also why a feminine woman will love it. Try this: next time you are walking into a store and you see that woman, smile and open the door for her. She will seethe with contempt and spit venom at you. Why? Because you are showing male dominance.

Remember, being “nice” is weak, but a strong man willing to be kind is like catnip to women. Dominate her in all aspects of life including the bedroom. She will love you for it.
Health and fitness: You must dominate in the weight room. Think about it; you’ll be lifting weight that could kill you. If you don’t dominate it and take positive control of the weights, they will literally crush you. A dominant mindset will help you lift more as well. Think of yourself as the strong man that you want to be. Get yourself into a dominant frame of mind, even thinking of yourself as much bigger and stronger than you are. You’ll see the difference in the weight that you push and soon, with a lot of hard work, you will be that bigger and stronger man. I want to write a few words about martial arts and weight training as well. These two disciplines will not “give” you a dominant mindset. Nothing is given to you or me. What they do is set up the conditions for a man to learn how to think properly to overcome his boundaries and weaknesses. For a man, these two disciplines are essential for all aspects of life.

Until next time.

 

The New Year

There are two ways that you can ring in the New Year. You can get so drunk that you need at least a whole day to recover, or you can celebrate like a man and get down to work.

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The New Year is something to celebrate. Once again, it is a time with family and friends to celebrate the accomplishments of the old year, memorialize those that left us in that year as well as look forward to crushing new goals and accomplishments.
Festivities give us small breaks to re-energize us on our journey. The New Year celebrations do this for our goals and life plans. Take a step back, take an honest inventory of the past year. Now, with renewed vigor, celebrate and move forward towards accomplishing what you want in life.
I generally have my goals for the next year put on paper by late October. I would suggest this method, but if you haven’t yet done this, it is not too late. Take the time today to get away from distraction, quite your mind and write down the things that you want to do in the next 3 years, and the next year. I have material goals, but I also have others dealing with fitness, character and the like. I suggest you do the same.

There is much to be done, so why would you want to start the year on the same note as the vast herds of sheeple who are partying their lives away? I would suggest beginning the year with a 30 day challenge of your own. If you don’t already do it, add in 30 days of cold showers. Start the year off right.

 

Wishing you a happy and prosperous 2018.

 

 

 

 

How to Schedule Your Day for Maximum Effectiveness

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Your time is the most valuable asset that you have, and the present is the only thing that you have to work with as the past is gone and the future is not yet here. Successful men always control their narrative and how they spend their time is no exception. In his masterpiece, “Sun and Steel”, Yukio Mishima lays out the duality between the day and the night. According to him the day is for action while the night is for contemplation. I have found this to be true in my own experience and also in researching the lives of my ancestors. In times past, men often retreated to contemplation and discussion after a hearty dinner and hard day of work. The evening was the time when men pondered the mysteries of life, dreamed and discussed great things. These thoughts turn into action.
Boiled down to its essence, focus on action during the day, contemplation and leisure in the evening. Now, this isn’t a hard and fast rule. You will take vacations and you may do leisure activities during the day in conjunction with business. What we are really focusing on is the majority of your work days.
Before you can sit down and plan your day, you need to have a solid idea of what you want out of life. What is your passion or your Thumos? You must know yourself, your passion and your purpose in order to effectively plan anything. If you don’t yet know these things, take the time to really find out. It will be one of the best investments that you ever make.
Once you know your purpose in life and your subsequent goals you’ll be able to realistically break down your months, weeks and days. This will allow you to focus your time and energy on the most important things and filter out the rest. The first step to success will be to plan out your week on Sunday and plan out each day’s daily tasks the evening before. In my experience, writing out your goals for the week and then scheduling your day hour by hour is the most effective plan. Your schedule needs to be realistic and attainable. Once you have set it you must stick to it like glue. As usual, people will criticize you for this. You’ll hear things like, “Its not good to be so rigid, you need to kick back too!”. This comes from dudes who get to the gym once and then decide to “take it easy tonight”. Their opinions don’t matter. Don’t pay any attention. Once you start to plan your schedule and do it, you’ll realize how much time you’ve wasted with crap, but you will also gain invaluable perspective on how you want to spend your time. Not only will scheduling increase your productivity but it will also increase your quality of life because you will only give time to people and pursuits that fit into your game plan. The idea of wasting time will begin to disgust you if it already hasn’t.
Here are some fundamental ways that you can start. I personally do all of these things daily:
1) Get up early, 5 am is ideal. Getting up early will make you feel good. You’ll accomplish so much constructive work by the time most people are hitting snooze on their alarm clocks. If you are not a “morning person” that works even better; you’ll feel great by pushing yourself to get up early. “Sleeping in” on the weekends should not exceed 6 am.
2) Practice awareness training. I do this in the morning before anything else as well as at varying times during the day. I find that it helps me to clear my mind of unnecessary garbage and to keep my focus on my goals. You should have your life goals written down. Make sure to look them over in the morning and throughout the day. Make sure that you plan how you will take action towards each goal today.
3) Your work. Focus on the task at hand, forget trying to multi-task. Dive into your work, your creation, your art. Give it 1000% . If you are still working for someone else then treat this as a learning experience. Keep you your goals in front of you always and move towards them. If you approach the “daily grind” as a business school you will be making good use of your time. Use your lunch time to further your goals by writing for your blog, reading to improve yourself, get to the gym, go for a walk and practice your day game, etc.. Don’t waste it hanging out with the guys from the office eating shit food and wasting time talking about last night’s game.
4) Warrior training. This includes hitting the gym. Don’t forget the other aspects of your training either: martial arts, shooting both rifle and pistol as well as other weapons.

5)Masculine pursuits.  Once your work day is over and you have workout out and done your warrior training then it is time to shift the focus of your day to the contemplative. This is the point in the day where you will read, study, learn. You can also take part in other forms of masculine leisure such as playing chess, reading or writing. Keep the tv turned off and sell your gaming console. Trust me, when you are lying on your deathbed you won’t be wishing that you had played “Call of Duty” one last time.

6) Meals. These obviously come at different times during the day. The main thing is to eat healthy and prepare your food ahead of time.  There are so many fitness articles online that stress the importance of meal prep. My experience has taught me that this is one of the few universal truths of the fitness industry. Make the time to do it. Take the time to eat, don’t rush it. If possible, eat with someone else and converse. Put the phone away and keep the tv off. If you have a family make sure to eat dinner together at the table each and ever night. Have your wife cook for you and prepare the table. Offer her encouragement to do so. Get to know local restaurants where you can find good, healthy food. When you are going out to eat for business or pleasure make the choice of one of these restaurants.

7) Plan for the next day’s success. Before bed time give yourself ample time to review your goals and what you did to accomplish them today, then write down your plan for the next day.

8) Go to bed, wake up the next day and repeat.

 

 

Know your purpose. This narrows things down. Have goals. Focus only on the important things. Practice mindfulness, awareness.

These are the keys to succesfully planning your day.

Until next time.

 

The Holidays, Tradition and Masculinity

Having just passed through Thanksgiving weekend we are officially in the midst of the holiday season. Many men that I know have dropped out of the holiday madness being disgusted by the commercialism that surrounds modern western holidays. After all, why wouldn’t you want to drop out? The reality is that any religious meaning, anything deeper than Black Friday was stripped away from the holidays long ago.  What is Thanksgiving but a day to spend with family giving thanks for all of the good things that you have, expressing the manly virtue of gratitude. Yet today Thanksgiving means wasting time watching football, then stuffing yourself to the point of nausea in a gluttony fueled orgy of food. Maybe you’ll sleep on the couch after watching a superhero movie only to be aroused at 4am to get on line at the local mall for a “Black Friday” deal. Don’t forget to run into the bathroom a couple of times to jack off too. Truth be told, I’m depressed just writing about it.

But, dropping out is the way of the coward. This is because men are needed to bring back the traditions and the deeper meanings of life. There is a great line in Charles Sledge’s book, “Man Up”; “A healthy world is forged by healthy nations, healthy nations are forged by strong tribes, strong tribes are forged by strong families, strong families are forged by strong men.”
Gentlemen, we are the guardians of tradition. As we all know, women are emotionally driven and therefore will be blown like leaves in the wind. We men are the rock, the solid foundation of family life and the greater society as a whole. We are the bedrock of our families, churches, businesses, and society as a whole. Our traditions guide us, give us a constant light in all times of happiness or sadness. Tradition is important. Myth is important. Legend is important. Our ancestors knew this. People only two generations ago knew this. We urgently need to reconnect with this. Our nations, societies and families need us to reconnect with this.

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Identity is critical to a man. Identity is just as important to a family and society as it is to an individual. Look at it this way; tradition and myth are to a family what frame is to a man. They are the guiding force, the boundaries that everyone knows and respects. They are the customs of how we show respect to each other, to honor your ancestors and your God. The key with traditions is that they must be diligently kept and observed. They are perishable and fragile. They can disappear in a generation, and many have. The holidays are the perfect time to rediscover traditions.

There are two different types of tradition in relation to the holidays. The first type of traditions are the age old traditions of your culture. If you’ve grown up in the west disconnected from your heritage then now is the time to find it. All it takes is a few internet searches and you can easily find ways that your not so distant ancestors celebrated Christmas and the New Year. Expand this to other feasts throughout the year. You’ll find that your ancestors celebrated everything. They lived a cycle of life much different from us yet much healthier. If you are a Christian you will find this in the cycles of fasting and feasting laid out throughout the year.

The second type of tradition has to do with the details of your family life. These are the little things that you do with your family like trekking out in the snow somewhere to cut down a Christmas tree or a certain type of Christmas cookie that your wife makes perfectly for you. These types of tradition are extremely important as they give you and your family shared, happy experiences to enjoy together and forge your bonds with each other.

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It is important that you are the driving force behind this. Let your woman know what these traditions are and that they are to be kept diligently. She will take that from you and do everything in her power to produce your wishes for the respective holiday down to the last detail. You will enjoy watching her fuss over the smallest detail to please you and your wishes.
If you are not married yet then spend time with your family, observing your family traditions. Take care to learn them. Those who are passing the torch to you will not live forever. You need to take up that torch as a man and carry it forward, one day passing it on to your offspring. You will carry this tradition on with you when you get married. If you don’t get along with your family now, or you live away from them, use this time to research what you will want things to look like when you do have a family of your own.

Until next time.

What Does It Mean to Be Strong?

Being strong physically and emotionally is essential to being a man. Emotional strength is something that is sorely lacking in today’s men. Emotional strength is so important that this is why other men and women are hard wired to shit test you. Yes, other men will shit test you and if you think about it, you shit test other men. The reason is simple: women shit test to see if you are a worthy mate, men shit test to see if you are someone worthy of allowing into their tribe. Ultimately, a shit test is something that is testing your emotional strength.

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In short, emotional strength boils down to having an incredibly strong sense of self. The lion knows who he is. There is no angst, no anxiety, no worry, he IS the king of the jungle.

 

A strong sense of self is your frame. If you read any PUA sites or forums you’ll immediately notice that frame and frame control are among the most written about topics. The PUA definition of frame is certainly true, yet myopic. Your frame is much more than just passing shit tests and controlling your interactions with women. Your frame is your belief system. It is the set of beliefs that guide you in all interactions, not just with women. Once you’ve established your belief system then you must be congruent with your inner beliefs. This is often referred to as integrity. Behaving this way becomes your frame. You need to know who you are, how you interact with the world around you. Violating your integrity will cost you. The less you live authentically, the more depressed you become.

To begin with, you must find your core values and beliefs. Who are you and what do you stand for? What are your non negotiable stances? You should know who you are in relation to all things. If you don’t know any of these things then work on establishing these foundations. One of my favorite quotes on this topic comes from “Operation Werewolf”: “Know who you are by becoming who you want to be.”

Who do you want to be? What would you look like if you were this man? How would you behave if you were the man that you want to be? What would that man stand for? How would his relationships be with other people? Be honest with yourself. Remember, you are not living someone else’s life and they aren’t living  yours. In this quest of yours taking time to write in a journal will be essential. I would also recommend controlling your thoughts by mindfulness and presence. Once you have a basic idea then begin to act like that man. Action will be the only thing that changes you. Be authentic. As you gain strength your own weaknesses will be more apparent to you. This can be frustrating. For most guys it is demoralizing and they give up. While you will act to correct your weaknesses, you should also accept that you have them; every man does. As you uncover more and more of yourself in relation to who you want to be, your ideal may change. This is OK, it means that you are growing.

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Strive for consistency in your moods and behaviors but balance it with passion for life and fearlessness. While I am a major fan of reading and educating myself, much of your progress in this area will come from the ring or the gym. In order to know yourself and who you really are you must fight and you must lift. Getting into a ring with another man and fighting or grappling is a great equalizer; there is no bullshit. The gym will also teach this to you as 300 lbs is always going to be 300 lbs; either you can lift it or you can’t. As Henry Rollins said; “Learning about what you’re made of is time well spent and I’ve found no better teacher.”

Finally, its not all about you. Others are relying on you to be a strong man; society, your business, your buddies, your wife, your kids,, your animals and your parents. They all need you more than ever to dig deep down and become the strong man that you are destined to be.

Until next time.

 

Masculine Pursuits

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Recently I wrote a post about masculine sports. This post will be about some other masculine pursuits that could make up a man’s leisure time. For a man, there really isn’t something called “free time” and there is certainly no time spent in idleness. We all need time away, time for leisure, but what sets “leisure” aside is that it is always constructive. Leisure isn’t idle time wasted binge watching Netflix. Leisure is pursuing character building activities that also relax us. This allow us to recharge, an essential part of living that many of us have forgotten today. Wasting “free time” doing nothing leaves you feeling empty, regretful and depressed. Using your leisure time for character building will leave you feeling refreshed, constructive and accomplished. You’ll leave your vacation or your weekend feeling like more of a man, you’ll feel invigorated. While your normal routine of working out, martial arts and sports satisfy the visceral side of you some balance is important. Aim to be the impeccably dressed man with a black eye who is able to talk about Shostakovitch. Trust me, women go crazy for this type of man.

I want to explain one thing: I’m not against watching good movies that contribute to your masculine education. There are many foreign movies that are easily obtainable and have strong, masculine leads. My only advice would be to limit movie watching to 1 per week at the most. As for television it is mostly a waste of time. Again, you may find some series on line that are foreign and worth watching. Just remember that even good, character building movies and television shows must be watched in moderation.

That being said, here is a break down of some masculine pursuits for you leisure time:

 

 

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The Arts: You don’t have to be a pianist, painter or anything else. You do need to have an appreciation for the arts. You should be completely familiar with classical composers and their works as well as artists and their works. Explore the different periods and styles, learn what to listen to or look for. Find your favorite. Decorate your home and office with art. You can buy affordable prints of classical art online. Put them in a nice frame and know the story behind the scene in the painting, the artist and what he was trying to represent. You should be a regular at your local symphony and art museums. Finally, look for new artists who are doing things that you like and support them. Become a patron of the arts, help to bring about a resurgence of classical arts and music.

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Writing: This is a double pronged pursuit. You should be writing in a journal at least once per day. Maybe you discover along the way that you have a knack for writing and you have something to say. Maybe you want to write a novel, a biography or a philosophical treatise. Either way, keeping a journal is a fantastic way to see where your mind is, what you are thinking and what kinds of patterns are coming up in your life. Some days I’ll write pages and pages, other days its only a paragraph or two. The quality of my life has vastly improved through journal writing.

Chess: This is the king of all games. Chess is an amazing way to develop your mind, learn about people and keep your mind sharp. Chess is best played after dinner while having some cognac. Chess will teach you about people, thinking ahead, and adapting your strategy to evolving conditions. Play it against a real person, face to face.

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Travel/Exploring/Hiking: It is essential to get outside and experience the world at large. If traveling the world isn’t in your budget right now then travel your country, your state or your city. The key is to get out and experience life, expanding your horizons. Additionally, there are very few ways to clear your head like a good hike in nature. You should get out to nature often with no distractions. Camping is also a great pursuit and a practical skill as well. Challenge yourself to learn new skills each time you go camping so that you become more and more self reliant. If you are a father of boys then you have no option, you must teach them how to be outdoors men.

Spending time with others: We live in a technological, isolated society. People have hundreds of Facebook “friends” yet no real friends that they actually spend time with. Choose your friends carefully, trust very few. When you have established a small social circle of trusted male friends it becomes a great stress reducer to spend time with them. Your friends should be trustworthy. There is no such thing as a “frienemy”. If you can’t trust them, they shouldn’t be in your social circle. You cannot trust “friends” that you have made over social media. You cannot trust someone until you have looked into their eyes and spent time with them. The internet is full of frauds. Get out into the meat space.

That brings me to the next level: spending time with beautiful women. You should limit your time with women lest you become feminized. There is no such thing as “friends” of the opposite sex. Don’t waste your time. Your time is valuable, you have many things that you are doing, spending time with a beautiuful woman is a great masculine pursuit. Beautiful women are extremely feminine. Enjoy relaxing with her and observing how your masculinity and her femininity feed off of each other. In general, don’t waste your time with American women unless you find one who has rejected modern American way of life. Increase your odds dramatically by finding foreign women, preferably from your ancestral background.

Philosophy/Theology: Knowing at least the basics of philosophical ideas is absolutely necessary. Reading and learning philsophy makes you a better conversationalist, teaches critical thinking skills, broadens your horizons and helps you to see how others think. Begin with the great philosophers as well as the major political philosophies. Likewise, learn about the theology of your own religion as well as having a general knowledge of other major theologies as well.

Every thing that we do must contribute to our masculinity. In addition to masculine sport, these masculine pursuits will lead to a full, balanced, masculine life.

Until next time.

 

 

Insecure Thoughts and How to Deal With Them

Insecure thoughts can be debilitating. They can sap your energy, send you into depression, cause outbursts of anger and reflect in your outward behaviors. These thoughts absolutely kill your game, business opportunities, relationships and limit your success.
How many relationships or opportunities have you lost in life because of your insecurities? How many times have you lied to others because you were insecure in yourself? Do you realize that this causes a downward spiral of depression to the point that you’ve lied so much you don’t know what is true anymore?
This begs the question; how can you change? There are a variety of different ways and many of them have to do with your particular situation. What I have found that works wonders is practicing awareness, presence and for lack of a better term; meditating. This is a great way to get used to living in the moment as well. It will help your listening skills, your productivity and your game. In modern societies we’re not used to living in the here and now. Our thoughts are racing in a million different directions, making us dissipated and distracted. If you boil it down to its essence, the present is the only moment that we are really guaranteed, it is really all that we have. Why then, would we want to be anywhere else? Most people go through their lives worried about the future or trying to change the past. The present gets lost in the shuffle. Working on mindfulness will change that.
I am going to give  you a step by step method that has worked and continues to work for me every day. First, you need to sit in a quiet spot. Find somewhere comfortable for you. It can be inside or outside, it doesn’t matter as long as it is fairly quiet. Sit straight with feet firmly planted on the ground. Mind your posture, make sure that you are breathing easily and well. Make sure that your head, neck and body are in alignment so that you can breathe fully. Now, just relax and breath. Hear the sounds around you. Feel your feet on the ground etc. Now just focus on being where you are at that very moment. Thoughts will rush into your head. You’ll start thinking thoughts about what other people think, how this person is trying to surpass you, what this chick thinks of you, what this person said to you, what you are going to have for dinner etc. Don’t be discouraged, you need these thoughts to grow and learn. Just gently remind yourself that all of those thoughts are garbage. What matters is being where you are, in the moment. Keep reminding yourself that the only moment that matters is the present. Focus back on the sounds around you. You’ll want to have a longer, more involved block of time in the morning to give you a base every day. Then you’ll want to set an alarm during the day to do this for 5 minutes at a time. You can do this by performing a shortened version of the above ritual, or go for a walk. The key, again, is to be in the present moment. Be patient with yourself and always remember that the thoughts will come in, they must or else you won’t learn. One key point to remember is that you are not “fighting” these thoughts, just deflecting them. In doing this you should not feel any tension at all. If you are tensing up and “fighting” then you aren’t doing this particular exercise correctly. It should give you clarity and peace. Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll feel like you completely failed at your exercise, don’t lose heart, keep moving forward and you will soon see the benefits.
What you’ll notice in a short period of time is that you are starting to give no credence to your insecure, negative thoughts. You are getting into the habit of focusing on the present moment and realizing how “those thoughts don’t matter”. With time and consistent work you will start to focus only on thoughts that matter. You’ll become much more adept at recognizing useless thoughts right off the bat and deflecting them. This also applies to thoughts having to do with low self-esteem, anxiety, fear or whatever it is that is holding you back. You’ll realize that these are just distracting, useless thoughts. Practicing this method will give you a ZFG attitude and outcome independence not only with game but also with business. You’ll also slowly begin to realize that you are happier and able to enjoy being in the moment doing what you are doing at any given time. That subtle, nagging anxiety in your gut will melt away to be replaced by your stronger self. Make sure that you are also doing things to strengthen yourself, both mentally and physically.

Finally, it is important to maintain consistency in all areas of your life. You’ll find it impossible to focus your thoughts while living in a cluttered environment. This is why you need to be, or become a minimalist.

Until next time.

 

Valentine’s Day

A few years ago I wrote a post about Valentine’s Day. This has been one of my most read posts over the years. I want to touch on Valentine’s day again as it can be such a trap for men in our culture. The trap that I will cover this year is specifically aimed at men in a committed relationship. Remember that Valentine’s Day is a fabricated holiday, it reaps financial rewards for greeting card makers, candy makers and jewelers just to name a few. That being said, the object of your affection will be under great pressure from her friends and society at large to be treated extra special by you on this day. If you follow the narrative set by romance movies and society she will quickly lose respect for you and start to look elsewhere. Its a hard truth but I can tell you that in my younger days I had more relationships end after having sent flowers to a woman than any other reason.

I’m not against doing kind things for your woman or buying her gifts now and then, as long as it is on your terms and coming from a position of strength. These times where I lost the girl, I was coming from a position of weakness and she could sense it a mile away. Receiving flowers from me actually disgusted her. Let that sink in.

You might ask how to balance your terms with her feelings? Well, here is how: always be in control. You must, being the man, control the relationship. This doesn’t mean to be controlling, but rather, as the man, you are in charge, you are the head of the household, the head of the relationship. You are the strong, attractive man whom she respects. This has to happen before Valentine’s day. This has to happen from your first interaction with any woman. Assuming that you have done this during the course of your relationship, the majority of the pressure to perform on Valentine’s day is off of you. The reason is that she already gushes when she talks to her friends about you. If you’ve followed this advice I guarantee that you are the man that her friends wish they were sleeping with. This gives you a LARGE margin of error.

If you haven’t been living this life then trying to do something monumental on Valentine’s Day will only start the ball rolling for the end of your relationship. What you can do is right now is begin to live with purpose, live for yourself, take charge of the relationship, establish and maintain polarity and of course, always be the most well dressed man in any room.

I have to attach a warning to this post. If you choose to live as you want, to be a man, then you will encounter push back from her. She will test you, its totally normal. At this point you will choose your future. You can fall into her frame which will contribute to you losing her. You can maintain your frame and pass the test or you can maintain your frame and realize that she is no longer the woman that you want to devote time to. The choice is yours.

 

 

Until next time.

Assertive Masculinity Part II

 

 

 

 

Another essential aspect of assertive masculinity  is masculine energy. What is masculine energy? I’m not sure that it can even be put into words. When a man has it you can see it and you can feel it. You can even see it in still photography, you know when a man has it. Women can spot it from a mile away and find it both irresistible and rare nowadays. I have finally found an explanation on this topic that has eluded me for a while. This explanation comes from Mishima’s commentary on the Hagakure, the Samurai code. In it he touches on the virility of men. He touches on mania. The author of the Hagakure states that greatness cannot be achieved in a normal state of mind. Men must be virile, they must act like men. This is why it is so disturbing to those who do not possess it. This is why people try to denigrate the jock, the masculine and the military man. These men, among others, posses a sort of mania, a masculine frenzy. This is what makes them successful. People may think what they want, but according to the author of the Hagakure, “Greatness does not happen in a normal state of mind.”

That being said, how can we gain masculine energy? Where does it come from?

Masculine energy could best be described as the overflow of a man’s internal state, its authentic, it cannot be faked. “Modeling” is of the utmost importance here. A man should have several role models that exhibit this energy. Having at least one who is living and observable is essential but the rest can be men from history, or even a fictional character that resonates with you. The important thing is to keep it as a tool that will advance you to your goal, rather than getting stuck in only acting as if and not being. Here are some of the things that can be used to cultivate your masculine energy. I will give one word of warning; as with respect you can only cultivate masculine energy for yourself, not for others.

Being the Man:  Years ago a good friend of mine made a very astute observation. He claimed that women are attracted to a strong man willing to be kind rather than a nice guy trying to be strong. There is a lot of wisdom in this saying. An alpha doesn’t judge people, he protects all, he shows all respect. In order to make any of the following work for you, you must first be “good at being a man”. Plain and simple. This is really the fun part of the whole thing. Be unashamed to be a man. Do the masculine things that you want to do! Life is worth living.

Posture: Posture is both a reflection of how you see yourself as well as a signal to others of your status. Posture must be actively worked on daily. There is a cause and effect relationship here; the better you feel about yourself, the better the posture, the better the posture the better you feel about yourself. Personally I have worked these exercises into my routine and they have helped tremendously. Give them time, it did take me about 6 months to start feeling the results.

Vocal tone: Like your posture your vocal tone and timbre of speech contribute to your masculine energy. Like posture this is both a cause and effect. Speak clearly, say less, speak audibly, and deeply. The more you do this the more masculine you will feel. The more masculine you feel the deeper you will speak.

Confidence: Ahhh…confidence. The Holy Grail that every man is seemingly in search of.  “Confidence” has been thrown around for the past ten years over the internet as the magic elixir for picking up women. While it certainly helps with the opposite sex, confidence is much deeper than that. Confidence is needed in every day life, in both the mundane and the extraordinary. Confidence is gained by expanding your comfort zone. Confidence can be gained only by action and proper thought. If you lack confidence there are two things that will help. First, you must think confidently. See yourself as someone who is competent and courageous, able to do the things that you set out to do. Journaling and daily quiet time will be necessary for this. You must also actively engage your thinking. Often, lack of confidence will come from your past experiences and your thinking gets caught up in a vicious, unconfident, fearful cycle. Its going to take work but the rewards will be worth it. Secondly, it is important to push yourself in your actions. Often, the most mundane things are causes of anxiety. Do you not like crowds? Force yourself to go to a party. Are you shy? Force yourself to talk to several people, particularly women each day. These may seem like trivial matters, but the little things add up to big things. Ultimately confidence is gained by action.

Friendliness: Jack Donovan compares the alpha male to an “older brother” figure. I agree with this. One of the characteristics is an easy going friendliness. Very masculine men who are confident are extremely friendly, kind and approachable. As a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons why so many people are attracted to them. They are also a father type figure. They are warm. Be interested in the world around you. Many big time alphas are knowledgeable about other cultures, well travelled and speak other languages.

Caring: This goes right along with the friendliness. Caring has often been portrayed as a “feminine trait” which it is, if it is expressed in a feminine way. Think of the stern master seargent or master chief in the military. They are stoic disciplinarians, and you don’t want to get on their bad side. Really, this sterness is caring. They must be the strict in order to teach men to survive almost unsurvivable situations. Often, a masculine man needs to be very stern, the disciplinarian. He does this in his role at work and particularly in the home. This comes from his ultimate care of the one whom he disciplines and cannot be compared to putting someone else down in order to elevate himself.

Virility: To me this is something that we often overlook. I have met several very masculine men in my life who were in their 70’s yet maintained this youthful kind of energy and enthusiasm. If my memory serves me, the things they had in common were as follows: they were either retired or ex military, police or they were foreigners. They were all physically active, mentally sharp, aware, friendly and paternal. What does it mean to be virile? Virility is strength, drive, manliness and even your sex drive. Virility encompasses all of these above mentioned qualities; I never met and older, virile man who was angry, depressed or complaining. Much of this virility comes from a long held belief in their own masculinity and a positive type of entitlement, particularly in regards to women and how they expect to be treated by women. As I think about it these men in their later years also possess clarity and acuity. This is how important T levels are in older age. No matter how old you are in the present moment, now is the time to start. Don’t let yourself degenerate in thought. Study a foreign language, music or simply study things that will interest you and keep your brain working. Never stop learning. The other thing that I noticed about these men is that all of them were fit even into their 70’s and 80’s.

 

 

Cold Showers and Excellence

After taking ice cold showers in the morning for several years, I recently realized what I had truly learned from these showers.

What I realized is that I was doing the bare minimum, just kind of sucking it up and getting it over with. This was fine, but after a while I needed to grow. It was then that I realized this was a moment to excel, to push myself. The cold shower itself was uncomfortable enough, but forcing myself to stand under it the complete time and other small adjustments enabled me to push myself further.

There is a huge difference between doing something, even something strong or noble, with an aggressive attitude or a defensive attitude. The difference lies in this: with any combat sport if you get back on your heels and just block punches you will eventually get hit. Actually, you are gonna get pulverized. If you get aggressive, block and counter you may still get hit, but you are going to move the fight in your direction.

How many times have you gone into the gym to crush a workout and only wound up doing the bare minimum to call it a work out? Yes, you did it, but did you do it with excellence? This is difficult. One of the temptations in being task oriented is to become robotic just doing the task and crossing it off of your list. Don’t get me wrong, laying the foundation of making lists and completing them is necessary, but this is a stage that you must grow out of. The next stage is deeper, this is the arena where you battle not only your physical limitations but your emotional and spiritual limitations as well. This is a battle that we will all face for the rest of our lives.

The lesson applies to all facets of our existence. In work it will make the difference between a life of mediocrity and a life of excellence. For instance, if you have a blog in the hopes of making money you will want to work on it daily. You can write a few sentences here and there. Technically you’ve done what you set out to do; the bare minimum. The other option is to write, research, learn and doing whatever it takes to make your blog a success. This is excellence.

I recently began reading an autobiography of a man who completed Kyokushin Karate’s “30 Man Kumite”. For those unfamiliar with this, it is a grueling sparring session against 30 men consecutively for 1 minute each. The skill of the fighters faced also increases with each man. There are some certified bad asses roaming this planet who have also completed the “100 Man Kumite” and a “300 Man Kumite”. I digress. This book is interesting in that it is really the author’s karate autobiography. The point is that all of his training for his whole life came down to this moment, it prepared him for this moment. All of the difficult training was its own philosophy, it taught him what he needed to learn. It taught him to understand in strength. Had the author not pursued excellence in his training at all times he may not have been passed this test later in his life.

It takes work and strength of mind to build ourselves up in this way. We live in a society where people expect accolades for just showing up. We also live in a society where appearing to be is just as good as actually being. We all want the rewards without the blood, sweat and tears. This is one of the many, many benefits of the combat arts; when you get into the ring or on the mat with someone else you are authentic, there is no faking your skills. There are no excuses, you find out who you really are and what you are made of. I recently watched a documentary on Vice’s “Fightland” about a dojo in Amman, Jordan. One interviewee, a very religious man, stressed how he was planning on fighting in the ring because he said, “I don’t want to lie to others and I don’t want to lie to myself.” He wanted to find out exactly what he was made of. He was searching for authenticity. This is a truly noble search.