The Well Dressed Leader

If you look at any number of websites or books centered around being an alpha male, you will, without a doubt, come across the topic of dressing well. First off, be very careful where you go for men’s style advice, a lot of the famous PUA’s dress like clowns. I’m not a fan of “peacocking”. It’s much better to be a well dressed badass. Think James Bond.
This is an important topic for several reasons. The first is that dressing well reflects your inner disposition. What do you think of when you picture a guy with ill-fitting clothes, shirt untucked, not groomed? Yeah, you think he’s a slob and that is what he thinks of himself inside. If he didn’t feel this way about himself he would never dress like this, even when no one is looking.
What do you think of a guy who wears a suit that “kind of” fits him, finished off with a Disney tie? Beta shlub? Yeah, once again you are right. You’re probably looking at a dude whose wife disdains him. That’s the dude who gets laid once per year and the rest of the time anesthetized by a steady stream of junk food, porn, video games and watching sports.
Finally, there is the man who you see with a suit that fits him well, he’s wearing a power tie and french cuffs. You got it, that’s the alpha male. Don’t mistake this for a man obsessed with his looks, he’s not a metro sexual by any means, rather this is a man who knows how to look good and has a solid sense of self that reflects in how he dresses.

I can’t overstate the importance of dressing well and taking care of yourself for a healthy inner disposition. When I was in the service and going through a survival course, the importance of retaining normalcy in a survival situation was always stressed. Even in dire straits, you maintain military bearing, shave, wash, take care of yourself when possible. This is how important you outward appearance is to you. A lot of otherwise masculine men will downplay the importance of dressing well, seeing it as being metro sexual. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Being vain, feminine and metro sexual means dressing for others. Being a masculine man who dresses well, a well dressed badass, means that you dress this way for yourself. The secondary benefits will be how others will treat you, including women.

What should you do if your internal dialogue/image is not where it needs to be? What you can do is turn the dynamic around and use your external appearance to help you think better.

Here are some things that you can do immediately to improve the way you dress:

  1. Purchase a custom tailored shirt, jacket or suit. Wearing a well-tailored suit sets you apart immediately from those around you. Most guys in America today rarely wear a suit. When they do put one on they are visibly uncomfortable in it. You will stand out like a light house in your customer tailored suit and shirt combo. You can purchase either or both here for a great price.
  2. That being said, you’ll be looking fantastic in your newly tailored suit, so you’ll need to wear it. Get into the habit of wearing your suit. Going out for a couple of drinks? Put it on. Go out for a nice dinner? Put it on. Going downtown to do some shopping? Put it on. Get used to being in a suit. I guarantee that you’ll also notice the difference in how people treat you. You’ll like it.
  3. Always wear french cuffs with a jacket. Get several shirts made with french cuffs. Cuff links are not expensive. You can get yourself several pairs to change things up. This is where your individuality comes in. Find masculine cuff links that you like. This will allow you to have several sets to change things up.
  4. Purchase several ties. Go with power ties and power colors. You are a man, dress like it. Do NOT, I repeat Do NOT wear ties with Disney characters, superheros, sports team logos or anything like that. If you dress like a clown you will deservedly be treated like a clown. Consider yourself warned. If you live in Great Britain or any of the Commonwealth and have earned the honor to wear a regimental tie, do it; I’m jealous of you.
  5. Wear a pocket square every single time that  you wear a jacket.
  6. Wear a nice, masculine watch. You can find a good variety of reasonably priced watches on Amazon.
  7. Start to experiment. Find your particular style. Look to Europe, particularly England, for masculine ways to dress well. While there are some good blogs around for men that are coming out of America, I still recommend looking overseas. The reason is that masculine style is about more than just the surface, it’s about tradition, it’s about strength. America doesn’t have the tradition of a masculine aristocracy, so you’ll have to look elsewhere.
  8. Don’t ever walk into a church service wearing anything but a suit.
  9. Do not wear a tie without a jacket.

With summer coming up I will be posting about summer style and how you can kill it at the next bbq or an evening on the town in warm summer weather.

Until next time.

Insecure Thoughts and How to Deal With Them

Insecure thoughts can be debilitating. They can sap your energy, send you into depression, cause outbursts of anger and reflect in your outward behaviors. These thoughts absolutely kill your game, business opportunities, relationships and limit your success.
How many relationships or opportunities have you lost in life because of your insecurities? How many times have you lied to others because you were insecure in yourself? Do you realize that this causes a downward spiral of depression to the point that you’ve lied so much you don’t know what is true anymore?
This begs the question; how can you change? There are a variety of different ways and many of them have to do with your particular situation. What I have found that works wonders is practicing awareness, presence and for lack of a better term; meditating. This is a great way to get used to living in the moment as well. It will help your listening skills, your productivity and your game. In modern societies we’re not used to living in the here and now. Our thoughts are racing in a million different directions, making us dissipated and distracted. If you boil it down to its essence, the present is the only moment that we are really guaranteed, it is really all that we have. Why then, would we want to be anywhere else? Most people go through their lives worried about the future or trying to change the past. The present gets lost in the shuffle. Working on mindfulness will change that.
I am going to give  you a step by step method that has worked and continues to work for me every day. First, you need to sit in a quiet spot. Find somewhere comfortable for you. It can be inside or outside, it doesn’t matter as long as it is fairly quiet. Sit straight with feet firmly planted on the ground. Mind your posture, make sure that you are breathing easily and well. Make sure that your head, neck and body are in alignment so that you can breathe fully. Now, just relax and breath. Hear the sounds around you. Feel your feet on the ground etc. Now just focus on being where you are at that very moment. Thoughts will rush into your head. You’ll start thinking thoughts about what other people think, how this person is trying to surpass you, what this chick thinks of you, what this person said to you, what you are going to have for dinner etc. Don’t be discouraged, you need these thoughts to grow and learn. Just gently remind yourself that all of those thoughts are garbage. What matters is being where you are, in the moment. Keep reminding yourself that the only moment that matters is the present. Focus back on the sounds around you. You’ll want to have a longer, more involved block of time in the morning to give you a base every day. Then you’ll want to set an alarm during the day to do this for 5 minutes at a time. You can do this by performing a shortened version of the above ritual, or go for a walk. The key, again, is to be in the present moment. Be patient with yourself and always remember that the thoughts will come in, they must or else you won’t learn. One key point to remember is that you are not “fighting” these thoughts, just deflecting them. In doing this you should not feel any tension at all. If you are tensing up and “fighting” then you aren’t doing this particular exercise correctly. It should give you clarity and peace. Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll feel like you completely failed at your exercise, don’t lose heart, keep moving forward and you will soon see the benefits.
What you’ll notice in a short period of time is that you are starting to give no credence to your insecure, negative thoughts. You are getting into the habit of focusing on the present moment and realizing how “those thoughts don’t matter”. With time and consistent work you will start to focus only on thoughts that matter. You’ll become much more adept at recognizing useless thoughts right off the bat and deflecting them. This also applies to thoughts having to do with low self-esteem, anxiety, fear or whatever it is that is holding you back. You’ll realize that these are just distracting, useless thoughts. Practicing this method will give you a ZFG attitude and outcome independence not only with game but also with business. You’ll also slowly begin to realize that you are happier and able to enjoy being in the moment doing what you are doing at any given time. That subtle, nagging anxiety in your gut will melt away to be replaced by your stronger self. Make sure that you are also doing things to strengthen yourself, both mentally and physically.

Finally, it is important to maintain consistency in all areas of your life. You’ll find it impossible to focus your thoughts while living in a cluttered environment. This is why you need to be, or become a minimalist.

Until next time.