When I was in 8th grade there was one particular girl whom every boy was in love with. She was absolutely beautiful. She was part Finnish which gave her an amazing look. Not only do I remember her, as I was one of those boys with the crush on her, but I also remember her father. He would come to pick her up from school. He was a kind man, and you could tell that he was very handsome. The other thing that you could also tell was that he had given up. He was a beaten man, he was depressed and looking back I can see that he had settled in his life. I heard that he and his wife later divorced. I don’t know why this happened but most likely there was no longer any polarity or attraction left in the marriage. He married because he was manipulated into it, she married because she was in love with an alpha who woulde degenerate into a beta, thereby losing all of her attraction and respect for him. I remember looking at this guy and thinking to myself, “being married sucks!”. I wanted no part of what he had; my 14 year old self realized that a miserable existence like that was not for me, not for any man. As I grew older it seemed that the hordes of depressed, married fathers driving mini vans only grew. I kept observing and realizing that not a single one of them had anything that I desired. I must admit that at this time these were confusing thoughts to me, after all this was the “way it was supposed to be” yet it seemed so wrong, so out of balance.
I once witnessed two co workers having birthdays on the same day. One was a female, the other male. They swapped birthday presents. He then gave her another one, then another one and then another one. She smiled, laughed, giggled and lost any attraction that she may have felt for him right then and there. He knows it deep down, yet if he is like most guys in America today he will continue to try to buy her affection with material gifts and sweet words and attention. Unfortunately he has not yet learned the cold, hard fact that giving women gifts does not in any way get you where you want to be, unless for some reason you want to be a girly man beta orbiter for years to come. While he is going to try to “nice guy” his way into her heart, she will be salivating for a man who confidently strolls through life, whom she can respect. She will do whatever it takes to win that man’s attention. Don’t get me wrong, she will let the beta orbiter hang around, maybe for years, because after all girls do like the attention.
So, this puts us in an interesting spot. If these two examples have nothing that we want, and actually turn us off, where do we go from here? Well, the answer is easy; be your own man. It is really amazing how so many things in life seem complicated yet can boiled down to their essence pretty easily. This is the whole truth about relationships. Chris Kyle in his book, “American Sniper” put it pretty well. His priorities were God, country, family; pure and simple. This comes from one of the greatest warriors of our age, a man whose life was cut way too short.
This is where we come to one of the most fundamental truths that I have discovered in relationships; women will stay with and respect a strong man who is willing to be kind, yet they will never, can never, respect a nice guy trying to be strong. In contemporary society, I believe that people mistake “niceness” for “kindness”. Let me elaborate; “nice” is about manipulation, control and trying to affect an outcome by behavior. it is actually a method of control. Deep down I believe that all “nice” guys are actually angry and passive aggressive. Kindness on the other hand comes from a position of strength, it is a moral virtue. Kindness is given with no expectation of repayment, it is chivalric. In order to be kind, a man must be strong. In order to be kind, a man must not care what others think about or have to say about him. In order to be kind a man must be willing to suffer ridicule. I believe that this is exactly what Jack Donovan wrote of in his book “The Way of Men”. In order to be a good man (kindness) a man must first be good at being a man (strength). Nice guys do finish last. This is not a travesty, it is a self inflicted death sentence. Kind men don’t finish last because they have already won by their strength and self respect.