Who’s Life Are You Living?

There are men who just naturally ooze Assertive Masculinity. The operative word being; naturally. They do this naturally because they are authentic, they are themselves. While there is something to the theory of “fake it till you make it”, eventually the behavior, in this case lets call it alpha behavior, must become natural. It must become who a man really is or else its just acting. Focusing only on “faking” it, leads to just that; being a fake. Eventually fakes are uncovered and nobody respects or likes a fake. This is why women get so creeped out by a guy who hopes he can orbit in the “friend zone” for years while secretly harboring romantic intentions. The alpha does not hide his intent. Some say that men with higher levels of testosterone are less likely to lie. I don’t know the science behind this theory, but this isn’t suprising since an alpha male is secure in himself, he lives a life of action rather than reaction. Lying is a reactive behavior.

We often “act” for a variety of reasons. What is harmful to us is when we start to act and then be for other people, when we start to script our lives to their wants and needs, their perceptions. When we say things or alter our behavior for other people what we are essentially doing is trying to control others thoughts and situations. This is both unhealthy and futile. In this case we choose form over substance.

There is a time for acting. We act like the man that we want to be in order to become that. The “acting” is a transient phase, it is a tool to get to a higher goal. Here is an example; if you want to have integrity you must immediately begin to act as a man who has integrity. You must also visualize yourself this way. By doing this you will struggle day by day. You will work and sweat to become this man. My experience has been that consistent visualization and work will start to bear fruit after several months. You will just realize one day that you are evolving into who you want to be. Visualization, or modeling/acting will not in and of itself do anything; you must make the choices and take the actions to become the man that you are visualizing. We don’t “hope” to become something; we decide that is what we want to do, then we do it using visualization as one of the many tools in our box. Always remember that action is the greatest tool of all.

What we can control and determine is who we are and what we stand for. Once we do this, we don’t need to act because we become; being is much more rewarding than seeming to be. This goes hand in hand with goal setting and reflection. Coming up with a baseline of beliefs and a code of conduct for ourselves, we begin to live our lives in a thoughtfully proactive manner. We start to live our lives with integrity; our thoughts, feelings, words and actions become aligned.  We begin to de clutter our lives from comittments that do not benefit us. We begin to learn the power of the word “no”. We boil our lives down to the essence, we become clear of thought and more able to be in the moment. Our workouts get better, they become something out of time.

Freedom comes from being ourselves; pure, simple and unapologetic. Other people respect straightforwardness but what is most important is how much we respect ourselves. Who is the man looking back at us in the mirror?


Posted in Masculinity, Motivation and tagged , , , .


  1. “Freedom comes being ourselves.” Only lately in my life am I realizing the truth of this. Once you become the person that bits suits your temperament and goals, then nothing can touch you. Emotionally, physically or mentally.

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