I was recently at a gun show and witnessed DHV in action. At one point as I was walking through the show, there was a couple walking in front of me. They seemed to be having a good enough time at the show, strolling along together. At one point, one of the vendors looked at the guy and said, “I love that shirt!”. All three laughed, but as soon as that happened, I was watching to see how she reacted. Sure enough, as they were laughing she slipped her arm into his so that they walked in locked elbow and rested her head on his shoulder.
I never saw what this guy’s t-shirt said, but I did see how quickly she reacted to stake her claim on her man, who had just been given a small amount of DHV. This is how important it is.
I had some interesting conversations over this past week that have led me to think a lot about relationships and dating. There is conventional “wisdom” out there saying that being friends is the secret to a long lasting relationship. I know many people who strived for this friendship in their marriages, and most of them, if not all, are now divorced. Focusing on being friends destroys polarity.
Being “friended” happens for a variety of reasons. The “friend zone” is an impossible pill for an alpha male to swallow for two reasons; women find him attractive due to his behavior, therefore they would not put him in that mental “friend zone” category. Second, if she ever did want to put him in that category, he would never allow himself to be denigrated as such, he would walk, there are plenty of other women waiting in the wings for him.
So what does it boil down to? Respect. If a woman does not respect a man, she will not find him attractive. She can definitely think that he is “nice” and “sweet” and possibly her “best friend” but she will in no way have any attraction for him. I repeat, she will have not attraction for him whatsoever. Therefore, why would any man want to introduce friendship into his marriage?
Of course the question now becomes; “How do I gain her respect?”. The answer is simple; if a man respects himself, his woman will want to respect him. Self respect is a deep and consistent inner journey, it cannot be given, it must be earned. It is therefore beneficial for a man to learn to respect himself by becoming the man that he has always wanted to be. An essential element of being any man is a strong masculine character. This character is developed from being, from doing, from living, from experience. The stronger the masculine character the more polarity increases, the more polarity increases the more her femininity will increase in response. The major part of respect in a relationship comes from this very polarity. If one is a man, enjoys being a man, does manly things, behaves in a manly way, she will have no choice but to be in love with him.
A large part of self respect in a relationship is being able to walk. If she doesn’t treat the alpha man according the his expectations, he walks. If there is any behavior that is unacceptable to him, he walks. Any relationship will have its quirks and disagreements, but a man must know where he draws the line. A man must always have the ability to walk away, no matter what his feelings. Should he choose a long term relationship, he must keep the polarity up for life. Ultimately, the dynamics of a relationship boil down to this; the man keeps up the manliness, the polarity, she keeps up her physical appearance. She continues to dress nice, to wear makeup, to take care of her body.
In an attempt to provide the best content that I can for this site I often research other writers both in print and on the web. I signed up for newsletters in order to keep a finger on the pulse of what is going on out there. I now receive endless emails about “getting my ex girlfriend back”, “how to get 20 phone numbers this weekend”, “how to pick up on college girls”. That is all well and good, but what does it do for me? I can get my ex back, I can get those 20 phone numbers this weekend, but if I don’t have that masculine polarity none of it will matter. It will all just be a meaningless show. The key is to be a man, to enjoy being a man and not backing down from my beliefs. This is what the “Classical Man” is all about. This attracts women to men like white on rice.
An important part of being a man is smelling like a man. There is a time and a place for everything. When you are playing football with the guys, working on your car, fixing something at home you don’t need to be drowning in cologne. On the other hand, when you put on that suit, tuxedo or casual jeans and blazer, you better be smelling good.
There is no shortage of colognes out there. It seems that everyone has their own brand now. Who knows, maybe one day you can buy the “Classical Man” cologne at Macy’s. In the meantime, it is important to find a cologne with the right mixtures that will smell good on you.
The most important rule is this: you get what you pay for. Brut, Old Spice and other “aftershaves” are not for you and they smell cheap. A good cologne will cost you, but worn properly a bottle will last you at least one year. You must find a cologne that smells good to you and makes you feel good. A good cologne will mix with the oils in your skin, so they all smell slightly different on each individual. It is good to experiment at first to find the right cologne for you.
I will give one word of warning; be very careful about most commercial brand colognes. First, many of them nowadays have a slightly feminine hint to them. You want to avoid this for the obvious reason, but also because when you notice the smell on yourself it changes your mood. For instance, if you are wearing a very masculine smelling cologne you will feel like a man, it will increase your drive. Who knows, it may even increase your testosterone levels based on your feelings. On the contrary, if you are wearing a cologne with a slightly feminine hint to it, you will feel more feminine, it will affect how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself. I don’t think any one of us wants to feel feminine.
Right now I am wearing “Dusk” by Herban Cowboy. I like “Dusk” for several reasons. First, it is natural; no synthetics. There seems to be some speculation out there as to the effect of synthetic colognes on testosterone in men. Secondly, it smells great! It has a woodsy, rustic, masculine scent. Women compliment me on it often. Third, its not well known yet, therefore I get a lot of people asking, “What cologne is that? I like it!” Finally, its cruelty free. I personally don’t believe that some poor animal should suffer so that I smell good. Men are not cruel to the innocent or weak; this means animals too.
This is a link to a free PDF by the author Jack Donovan. I highly recommend reading this for every man. I also highly recommend his book The Way of Men
Wednesday was my fasting day. It had been almost 24 hours since I had eaten and it was time to hit the weights. It was one of my squat days among other things. As I looked at my workout log from last week I immediately began to come up with reasons why I couldn’t or wouldn’t beat last week’s weight, actually I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be able to keep up with last week. After all, I told myself, I hadn’t eaten since the evening before, if I just went easy it would be totally excusable. I even promised myself that I would make it up on Thursday when I had eaten more. “Yeah, that’s it! I’ll kick its ass tomorrow!”
Right about then my alpha self chimed in. “If not now, then when?” My alpha self told me to push it, work throught the pain, the weakness, the fatigue, the hunger. “Don’t take a single step back.” I resolved that I would, at the very least, not lift less than last week. I would grind through it. I lifted the first set, not bad. The second set was better, I felt myself getting aggressive, I felt the drive to win come back, I added weight. By the third and fourth set I was up on weight and could feel, that I had more in me. More weights went on the bar. Now I was pumped! I felt newfound stamina and energy pumping through my veins. I switched to sets of one rep and loaded on the bar. I kept going, beating last week was no problem.
Our nature is to seek the easy route. If we could cruise through life in an easy chair we would be tempted to do that. We are tempted, but experience shows us that we would be completely unfulfilled. Take a look around. See the vast majority of guys out there? They are the ones who opted for the easy chair, they chose it. That is not for us. What do most guys live for today? The weekend? Your “two weeks paid vacation”? Getting plastered on Friday night watching tv, then getting up at 11am hung over on Saturday morning?
For us, leisure time is a reward for hard work but it is also preparation for taking things to the next level. For an alpha male, the classical man, leisure time is controlled, every minute is enjoyed because it is the fruit of his hard work, whether it be business, training or both. We push to succeed and to excel. Our pursuits, including leisure, make us better men. I am a better man today than I was before working out yesterday.
In letters to his son, Lord Chesterfield had the following to say both about leisure and hard work: “In short, pleasure must not, nay, cannot be the business of a man of sense and character; but it may be, and is, his reward.” Furthermore, Aristotle himself tells us; “Happiness then, cannot consist in mere recreative pastime: for it is absurd to think that all our serious exertions and strenuous labors should terminate in so frivolous an end. We do not labor that we may be idle….we are idle that we may labor with more effect…”.
What are some things that we can do to right now to make our lives more productive, and start reaping some rewards?
Working out is such a pure form of masculine character building. The weights do not lie, they are pure: you lift them or you don’t. There are no excuses. There is no; “could have, should have, would have”, you give it your all or you don’t. The weights don’t care who you are, where you come from, where you are going. I highly suggest reading “The Iron” by Henry Rollins.
Coupled with working out we choose to eat right. It takes discipline and control to choose healthy eating to that piece of cake or to not go out drinking with your buddies. We don’t really deny ourselves, we just choose a higher level of life, we choose those things that will only make us stronger. Then, at some point, we can reward our hard work and have some cake, or go out with our buddies for some beers. We work first, reward later. The reward is always smaller in proportion to the amount of work.
We manage our time wisely. If you are new to this, it means eliminating television from your life. I don’t mean throw it out, but stop watching it. Use your television only to watch things that motivate you, movies that show strong masculine leads. Don’t watch “chick flicks” and don’t watch network T.V. We determine our own schedules. We must control our schedules, or else we risk loosing ourselves.
It is essential for a man to have a passion in life. Are you passionate for your current job? Are you passionate about working for someone else and making them money? Of course, an alpha man has a work ethic and strives to excel and be the top dog where he is at, but eventually the call of the wild will need to be answered. He will need to devote his time to those things that he is passionate about. One of these things will be his own entrepreneurship. One of the many benefits of being an alpha male is that our passions overlap with those things that build us up as well. We become passionate about weight lifting, martial arts, business, learning, and sport just to name a few. Since we live a life of purpose, we love the things that we do. In fact, we love the man that we are becoming.