The Well Dressed Leader

If you look at any number of websites or books centered around being an alpha male, you will, without a doubt, come across the topic of dressing well. First off, be very careful where you go for men’s style advice, a lot of the famous PUA’s dress like clowns. I’m not a fan of “peacocking”. It’s much better to be a well dressed badass. Think James Bond.
This is an important topic for several reasons. The first is that dressing well reflects your inner disposition. What do you think of when you picture a guy with ill-fitting clothes, shirt untucked, not groomed? Yeah, you think he’s a slob and that is what he thinks of himself inside. If he didn’t feel this way about himself he would never dress like this, even when no one is looking.
What do you think of a guy who wears a suit that “kind of” fits him, finished off with a Disney tie? Beta shlub? Yeah, once again you are right. You’re probably looking at a dude whose wife disdains him. That’s the dude who gets laid once per year and the rest of the time anesthetized by a steady stream of junk food, porn, video games and watching sports.
Finally, there is the man who you see with a suit that fits him well, he’s wearing a power tie and french cuffs. You got it, that’s the alpha male. Don’t mistake this for a man obsessed with his looks, he’s not a metro sexual by any means, rather this is a man who knows how to look good and has a solid sense of self that reflects in how he dresses.

I can’t overstate the importance of dressing well and taking care of yourself for a healthy inner disposition. When I was in the service and going through a survival course, the importance of retaining normalcy in a survival situation was always stressed. Even in dire straits, you maintain military bearing, shave, wash, take care of yourself when possible. This is how important you outward appearance is to you. A lot of otherwise masculine men will downplay the importance of dressing well, seeing it as being metro sexual. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Being vain, feminine and metro sexual means dressing for others. Being a masculine man who dresses well, a well dressed badass, means that you dress this way for yourself. The secondary benefits will be how others will treat you, including women.

What should you do if your internal dialogue/image is not where it needs to be? What you can do is turn the dynamic around and use your external appearance to help you think better.

Here are some things that you can do immediately to improve the way you dress:

  1. Purchase a custom tailored shirt, jacket or suit. Wearing a well-tailored suit sets you apart immediately from those around you. Most guys in America today rarely wear a suit. When they do put one on they are visibly uncomfortable in it. You will stand out like a light house in your customer tailored suit and shirt combo. You can purchase either or both here for a great price.
  2. That being said, you’ll be looking fantastic in your newly tailored suit, so you’ll need to wear it. Get into the habit of wearing your suit. Going out for a couple of drinks? Put it on. Go out for a nice dinner? Put it on. Going downtown to do some shopping? Put it on. Get used to being in a suit. I guarantee that you’ll also notice the difference in how people treat you. You’ll like it.
  3. Always wear french cuffs with a jacket. Get several shirts made with french cuffs. Cuff links are not expensive. You can get yourself several pairs to change things up. This is where your individuality comes in. Find masculine cuff links that you like. This will allow you to have several sets to change things up.
  4. Purchase several ties. Go with power ties and power colors. You are a man, dress like it. Do NOT, I repeat Do NOT wear ties with Disney characters, superheros, sports team logos or anything like that. If you dress like a clown you will deservedly be treated like a clown. Consider yourself warned. If you live in Great Britain or any of the Commonwealth and have earned the honor to wear a regimental tie, do it; I’m jealous of you.
  5. Wear a pocket square every single time that  you wear a jacket.
  6. Wear a nice, masculine watch. You can find a good variety of reasonably priced watches on Amazon.
  7. Start to experiment. Find your particular style. Look to Europe, particularly England, for masculine ways to dress well. While there are some good blogs around for men that are coming out of America, I still recommend looking overseas. The reason is that masculine style is about more than just the surface, it’s about tradition, it’s about strength. America doesn’t have the tradition of a masculine aristocracy, so you’ll have to look elsewhere.
  8. Don’t ever walk into a church service wearing anything but a suit.
  9. Do not wear a tie without a jacket.

With summer coming up I will be posting about summer style and how you can kill it at the next bbq or an evening on the town in warm summer weather.

Until next time.

Insecure Thoughts and How to Deal With Them

Insecure thoughts can be debilitating. They can sap your energy, send you into depression, cause outbursts of anger and reflect in your outward behaviors. These thoughts absolutely kill your game, business opportunities, relationships and limit your success.
How many relationships or opportunities have you lost in life because of your insecurities? How many times have you lied to others because you were insecure in yourself? Do you realize that this causes a downward spiral of depression to the point that you’ve lied so much you don’t know what is true anymore?
This begs the question; how can you change? There are a variety of different ways and many of them have to do with your particular situation. What I have found that works wonders is practicing awareness, presence and for lack of a better term; meditating. This is a great way to get used to living in the moment as well. It will help your listening skills, your productivity and your game. In modern societies we’re not used to living in the here and now. Our thoughts are racing in a million different directions, making us dissipated and distracted. If you boil it down to its essence, the present is the only moment that we are really guaranteed, it is really all that we have. Why then, would we want to be anywhere else? Most people go through their lives worried about the future or trying to change the past. The present gets lost in the shuffle. Working on mindfulness will change that.
I am going to give  you a step by step method that has worked and continues to work for me every day. First, you need to sit in a quiet spot. Find somewhere comfortable for you. It can be inside or outside, it doesn’t matter as long as it is fairly quiet. Sit straight with feet firmly planted on the ground. Mind your posture, make sure that you are breathing easily and well. Make sure that your head, neck and body are in alignment so that you can breathe fully. Now, just relax and breath. Hear the sounds around you. Feel your feet on the ground etc. Now just focus on being where you are at that very moment. Thoughts will rush into your head. You’ll start thinking thoughts about what other people think, how this person is trying to surpass you, what this chick thinks of you, what this person said to you, what you are going to have for dinner etc. Don’t be discouraged, you need these thoughts to grow and learn. Just gently remind yourself that all of those thoughts are garbage. What matters is being where you are, in the moment. Keep reminding yourself that the only moment that matters is the present. Focus back on the sounds around you. You’ll want to have a longer, more involved block of time in the morning to give you a base every day. Then you’ll want to set an alarm during the day to do this for 5 minutes at a time. You can do this by performing a shortened version of the above ritual, or go for a walk. The key, again, is to be in the present moment. Be patient with yourself and always remember that the thoughts will come in, they must or else you won’t learn. One key point to remember is that you are not “fighting” these thoughts, just deflecting them. In doing this you should not feel any tension at all. If you are tensing up and “fighting” then you aren’t doing this particular exercise correctly. It should give you clarity and peace. Some days will be better than others. Some days you’ll feel like you completely failed at your exercise, don’t lose heart, keep moving forward and you will soon see the benefits.
What you’ll notice in a short period of time is that you are starting to give no credence to your insecure, negative thoughts. You are getting into the habit of focusing on the present moment and realizing how “those thoughts don’t matter”. With time and consistent work you will start to focus only on thoughts that matter. You’ll become much more adept at recognizing useless thoughts right off the bat and deflecting them. This also applies to thoughts having to do with low self-esteem, anxiety, fear or whatever it is that is holding you back. You’ll realize that these are just distracting, useless thoughts. Practicing this method will give you a ZFG attitude and outcome independence not only with game but also with business. You’ll also slowly begin to realize that you are happier and able to enjoy being in the moment doing what you are doing at any given time. That subtle, nagging anxiety in your gut will melt away to be replaced by your stronger self. Make sure that you are also doing things to strengthen yourself, both mentally and physically.

Finally, it is important to maintain consistency in all areas of your life. You’ll find it impossible to focus your thoughts while living in a cluttered environment. This is why you need to be, or become a minimalist.

Until next time.

 

Sports

There is a massive difference between watching and participating in sports. Participating in sports is a masculine pursuit. Certain sporting activities have, through the ages, been ways to keep your senses high and competitive spirit sharp in times of peace. Sports were ways that men practiced for combat. Masculine sports are ways to feed virility, become robust and foster male friendships. In order to achieve these goals there is one important rule: women cannot participate. There is a time and a place for the women in your life. Neither the field of battle nor the field of sport is that place. The reason is really very simple, there is no honour in competition with women and part of your purpose in sport is to increase your masculine edge and make male friendships. Particularly in combat sports, women always bring down the level of intensity and competition.

Now, not all sports are manly. Here is a solid list to start:
Rugby: This is a man’s sport through and through. Have you ever met a beta male rugby player? No, I didn’t think so. Rugby is a traditional masculine sport of the Anglo-Saxon sphere that has spread throughout the world. Playing rugby promotes good health, vitality and robustness as well as fostering solid, masculine friendships.
Fencing: The art of the sword. Fencing promotes robustness and virility as well. In addition, it provides you with excellent physical challenges, aggressiveness, mental acuity and self defense. If you can handle a foil you can handle a stick.
Martial Arts: There are two kinds of martial arts; sport and combative. You should always go with the combative such as Krav Maga, traditional forms of Karate such as Kyokushin, Goju, or western style boxing. I will write more in depth on this topic at another time. The main things to look for are aggressive, real world training and sparring. I don’t recommend sport martial arts such as BJJ, MMA or Tae Kwon Do as they are based around fighting an opponent with rules. If someone attacks you or your family, there are no rules. Martial arts training will provide discipline, a warrior’s outlook on life, physical fitness and real world self defense skills. As with the iron, getting into the ring with another man will always kick you the real deal. Either you are good enough or you aren’t. Martial arts aren’t an option for a man. This is something that you should be doing already.
Horseback riding/Polo: These may sound strange to Americans but both of these sports stem from a time when officers needed to be excellent horsemen. Obviously, both involve the control of not only yourself but an animal as well. If you can’t get involved in Polo then check out regular horseback riding. Western saddle is more accessible, but English saddle requires more skill. Either is incredibly manly.
American Football and Ice Hockey: I’ve lumped these two together because they are both beneficial but only when they are full contact. I played both sports in my younger days but when I tried to join an adult hockey league I found out that all of the local leagues did not permit physical contact or slap shots. I hung up my skates. Playing football or hockey without contact completely defeats the point. If you can play with contact then these are highly competitive, testosterone driven masculine sports par excellance.

Competitive shooting: This is a close second to martial arts. Just like the martial arts, this is something that you should be doing already. There are several organizations that offer competitive shooting courses as well as competitions. Not only will this keep your self-defense skills sharp but it also provides the opportunity for camaraderie and friendly competition. Shooting skeet/trap is also an excellent and traditional way for men to bond.

Stay away from watching sports as much as possible. Its OK to get together with the guys every now and then to watch a fight, but in general mainstream sports in the west have become extremely pussified. In addition, the major networks as well as sports league have it out to emasculate American men with their leftist SJW agenda. Stay away from this poison. The other pitfall with sports is the ease with which you can vicariously live through your favorite athlete and wind up living your own life less and less. You can hear this when guys speak about their team using the words “us”, “we” and other possessives as if they are actually on that team. How often have you heard, “Our defense was solid, but what we need to do to win next week is…” ad nauseam. The other pitfall is the cult of the athlete that is so prevalent with the American beta male. Some guys know more about their favorite athlete than they do about members of their own family, much less any sort of heroic figure of ages past who would really be worthy of emulating.

Now, there is one final word of advice in regards to sports: never put another man’s name on your back. How many guys do you see walking around wearing a jersey with another man’s name on the back of it? I see a lot of them. Don’t be this guy. Your name is your signature. Your name is your brand. Do you, not someone else. In addition, as a grown man you shouldn’t be walking around town wearing a jersey anyway. But that is a story for another day.

Until next time.

Valentine’s Day

A few years ago I wrote a post about Valentine’s Day. This has been one of my most read posts over the years. I want to touch on Valentine’s day again as it can be such a trap for men in our culture. The trap that I will cover this year is specifically aimed at men in a committed relationship. Remember that Valentine’s Day is a fabricated holiday, it reaps financial rewards for greeting card makers, candy makers and jewelers just to name a few. That being said, the object of your affection will be under great pressure from her friends and society at large to be treated extra special by you on this day. If you follow the narrative set by romance movies and society she will quickly lose respect for you and start to look elsewhere. Its a hard truth but I can tell you that in my younger days I had more relationships end after having sent flowers to a woman than any other reason.

I’m not against doing kind things for your woman or buying her gifts now and then, as long as it is on your terms and coming from a position of strength. These times where I lost the girl, I was coming from a position of weakness and she could sense it a mile away. Receiving flowers from me actually disgusted her. Let that sink in.

You might ask how to balance your terms with her feelings? Well, here is how: always be in control. You must, being the man, control the relationship. This doesn’t mean to be controlling, but rather, as the man, you are in charge, you are the head of the household, the head of the relationship. You are the strong, attractive man whom she respects. This has to happen before Valentine’s day. This has to happen from your first interaction with any woman. Assuming that you have done this during the course of your relationship, the majority of the pressure to perform on Valentine’s day is off of you. The reason is that she already gushes when she talks to her friends about you. If you’ve followed this advice I guarantee that you are the man that her friends wish they were sleeping with. This gives you a LARGE margin of error.

If you haven’t been living this life then trying to do something monumental on Valentine’s Day will only start the ball rolling for the end of your relationship. What you can do is right now is begin to live with purpose, live for yourself, take charge of the relationship, establish and maintain polarity and of course, always be the most well dressed man in any room.

I have to attach a warning to this post. If you choose to live as you want, to be a man, then you will encounter push back from her. She will test you, its totally normal. At this point you will choose your future. You can fall into her frame which will contribute to you losing her. You can maintain your frame and pass the test or you can maintain your frame and realize that she is no longer the woman that you want to devote time to. The choice is yours.

 

 

Until next time.

Why You Should Be A Nationalist.

What is a nationalist? It is someone who loves their culture, their ways and traditions. Contrary to the hive mind propaganda, being a nationalist has absolutely nothing to do with being a racist, fascist or Nazi. Being a nationalist means that you look out for the interests of your people. Being a nationalist allows you to recognize other’s pride in their own people, traditions, religion and customs as well. How can that be? Its simple. Here’s an example: Do you have a family? Do you look after your family? Do you protect your children? Do you work to put food on the table? Do you protect your wife? The answer is no doubt “yes” to all of these questions. Now, do you appreciate and understand your best friends commitment to his family? Of course you do. Do you want his family to do well? Do you want his wife and children to be protected? Of course you do. Would you even help his family in time of need to reach their goals? Of course you would. Ultimately though, you are solely responsible for your family and their welfare. This is nationalism on a very small scale.

In America we live in a culture and society that is anti tradition. Tradition is really too deep for us because it means commitment to something more than television shows and beer. It scares us to think that there are people willing to die for something. A man needs to know where he comes from. He needs to honor his ancestors. He needs to be working towards the man that his ancestors would be proud of. This is not an easy task.

The first step to becoming a nationalist is to explore your roots. Find out all that you can about your family and your ancestors; the good, the bad and the ugly. If you don’t know the traditions of your culture, learn them. You need to speak the language of your ancestors. You can get a basic idea and some good leads on the internet but it will eventually be necessary to connect with people. See if there is a cultural organization in your area. Churches tend to be places where traditions are kept pretty closely, both ethnic and religious.

Dig a little deeper into your heritage and one thing that you will be certain to find is traditional gender roles. In America many immigrant communities lose this after the first generation, but the seeds are still there in all cultures. If you wish to get married and settle down, this is a great place to meet a potential wife. Don’t rule out going overseas either. You will find as you dig deeper into your cultural heritage that matronly, feminine women are prized over all. If you are looking for a real, stable marriage you will need to look overseas nowadays. American women are not worth marrying. Find a woman who is also a nationalist. She will be the encouragement and support that you need as well as a suitable mother for your offspring.

Learn the warrior roots of  you heritage. Learn the tales of famous warriors, find paintings, statues or pictures of them online and get one for you office or study. I find that it helps me tremendously pre-workout to think on my ancestors a bit, particularly the warrior aspect; it invigorates me. I also listen to music from my culture while I lift weights.

Once you have dug deeper into this part of your identity hold fast to it. Make it a part of your very fabric. Although women are not the primary reason why we do anything, having a strong identity is like catnip to them. It’s just an added bonus for you.

Finally, after time and true integration into your own life you must pass this on to the next generation. Whether it be your own sons, your nephews, cousins it doesn’t matter. This is the essence of tradition, that it is past down form one generation to another. It is a sacred duty for all men.

If you have any experience with this yourself please comment to help your brothers out.

Until next time.

 

A Letter to My Sons About Porn

There has been a “letter” floating around Facebook recently that a woman has written to her young sons about the dangers of porn. Despite her best intentions her wording and the general feel of the letter will not resonate with her sons, they will reject it. Its time to stop treating boys like little girls and feminizing them by allowing women to raise them. Therefore, I’ve decided that I would write to my future sons about this issue.

Dear sons;
You will face many temptations throughout your life. They vary in size, scope and seriousness. I want to talk to you about the temptation that pornography will confront you with and the very real things that will happen to you if you indulge in watching it.
It is normal for you to like women. It is normal for women to like you, as a matter of fact if you listen to the advice that I give you about women they will be falling all over you when you get older. One of the most important lessons that you must learn in life is to never, ever be ashamed of your desires as a man. Never be ashamed of being a man. Avoiding porn is not about being ashamed of your desires, most of all it is about avoiding fantasy and avoiding the pitfalls of the beta male.
Watching porn will not make you go blind just as masturbation will not make you grow hair on your palms, these are old wives tales. What pornography and masturbation will do to you is weaken your will. Both will sap your male energy, your drive and your ambition. It will destroy the things that make other men look up to you and women desire you. You will need to start working on your character right now. Porn, drugs and immoderate use of alcohol will stunt that growth. For some guys it stunts the growth of their character for 20, 30 or 40 years! Don’t be one of those guys. Be a man.
Women desire a man of action, a man of character, a strong man who will lead them and protect them from their own emotional rollercoaster and the storms of life. When you meet a woman that you are going to want to spend the rest of your life with you will need to be the man, right then and there. There will be no practice session and no learning curve. The man must be in control, emotionally strong, a rock against the waves of her emotional storm. You will never become this man  by watching porn, you will be a shell of a man that she will soon lose attraction for. You will wind up watching other people have sex while she goes out and finds someone else to have sex with.
Before you know it, you will be my age. Life goes fast. Your wife will age. Listen to these words of mine; you must be the man that your wife respects and looks up to. Your wife must keep herself sexually attractive to you.  While she must keep herself attractive for you as she ages, you must also realize that neither of you will perpetually be 24 years old. Porn will give you unrealistic expectations of this. If you want your marriage to succeed, you will need to consistently be a man worthy of respect and demand that your wife take care of herself physically, and remain attractive to you. Friendship in marriage will develop only from proper gender roles in the marriage. Try to be your wife’s “friend” first and your marriage will fail, I guarantee it. Always, always, always keep the polarity strong.

Being involved in watching porn will drain the masculine energy from you. Have you seen men who radiate a charisma and masculine energy and strength? If you think that women love this, you’d be correct. These men do not watch porn, its antithetical to that energy. Watching porn will drain you of this energy and make it very difficult for you to talk to women, be competetive in sports and succeed in life. You will be a shell of a man.

Porn is addictive. Before you know it, you can easily have wasted hours in one sitting. Those are hours of your life that you will never get back, hours that you could have spent getting stronger, smarter, braver, closer to God.

These are some of the negative things that can happen to you by watching porn. What I want you to take away from this are the positive things that will happen to you by not watching porn. You will make wise use of your time. You will be a man, you will radiatate this masculine energy. While other guys are hunched over their phones watching other people have sex, you will stand out like a lighthouse. You will effortlessly attract women. You will be the kind of man that all the girls want. You will be able to channel your masculine energy into succeeding in life. You will build success upon success. You will be the envy of the boys and the comrade of men.

Does that sound good to you? Yeah, it sounds good to me too. Then you will be the man that I will be proud to call my son.

Assertive Masculinity Part II

 

 

 

 

Another essential aspect of assertive masculinity  is masculine energy. What is masculine energy? I’m not sure that it can even be put into words. When a man has it you can see it and you can feel it. You can even see it in still photography, you know when a man has it. Women can spot it from a mile away and find it both irresistible and rare nowadays. I have finally found an explanation on this topic that has eluded me for a while. This explanation comes from Mishima’s commentary on the Hagakure, the Samurai code. In it he touches on the virility of men. He touches on mania. The author of the Hagakure states that greatness cannot be achieved in a normal state of mind. Men must be virile, they must act like men. This is why it is so disturbing to those who do not possess it. This is why people try to denigrate the jock, the masculine and the military man. These men, among others, posses a sort of mania, a masculine frenzy. This is what makes them successful. People may think what they want, but according to the author of the Hagakure, “Greatness does not happen in a normal state of mind.”

That being said, how can we gain masculine energy? Where does it come from?

Masculine energy could best be described as the overflow of a man’s internal state, its authentic, it cannot be faked. “Modeling” is of the utmost importance here. A man should have several role models that exhibit this energy. Having at least one who is living and observable is essential but the rest can be men from history, or even a fictional character that resonates with you. The important thing is to keep it as a tool that will advance you to your goal, rather than getting stuck in only acting as if and not being. Here are some of the things that can be used to cultivate your masculine energy. I will give one word of warning; as with respect you can only cultivate masculine energy for yourself, not for others.

Being the Man:  Years ago a good friend of mine made a very astute observation. He claimed that women are attracted to a strong man willing to be kind rather than a nice guy trying to be strong. There is a lot of wisdom in this saying. An alpha doesn’t judge people, he protects all, he shows all respect. In order to make any of the following work for you, you must first be “good at being a man”. Plain and simple. This is really the fun part of the whole thing. Be unashamed to be a man. Do the masculine things that you want to do! Life is worth living.

Posture: Posture is both a reflection of how you see yourself as well as a signal to others of your status. Posture must be actively worked on daily. There is a cause and effect relationship here; the better you feel about yourself, the better the posture, the better the posture the better you feel about yourself. Personally I have worked these exercises into my routine and they have helped tremendously. Give them time, it did take me about 6 months to start feeling the results.

Vocal tone: Like your posture your vocal tone and timbre of speech contribute to your masculine energy. Like posture this is both a cause and effect. Speak clearly, say less, speak audibly, and deeply. The more you do this the more masculine you will feel. The more masculine you feel the deeper you will speak.

Confidence: Ahhh…confidence. The Holy Grail that every man is seemingly in search of.  “Confidence” has been thrown around for the past ten years over the internet as the magic elixir for picking up women. While it certainly helps with the opposite sex, confidence is much deeper than that. Confidence is needed in every day life, in both the mundane and the extraordinary. Confidence is gained by expanding your comfort zone. Confidence can be gained only by action and proper thought. If you lack confidence there are two things that will help. First, you must think confidently. See yourself as someone who is competent and courageous, able to do the things that you set out to do. Journaling and daily quiet time will be necessary for this. You must also actively engage your thinking. Often, lack of confidence will come from your past experiences and your thinking gets caught up in a vicious, unconfident, fearful cycle. Its going to take work but the rewards will be worth it. Secondly, it is important to push yourself in your actions. Often, the most mundane things are causes of anxiety. Do you not like crowds? Force yourself to go to a party. Are you shy? Force yourself to talk to several people, particularly women each day. These may seem like trivial matters, but the little things add up to big things. Ultimately confidence is gained by action.

Friendliness: Jack Donovan compares the alpha male to an “older brother” figure. I agree with this. One of the characteristics is an easy going friendliness. Very masculine men who are confident are extremely friendly, kind and approachable. As a matter of fact, this is one of the reasons why so many people are attracted to them. They are also a father type figure. They are warm. Be interested in the world around you. Many big time alphas are knowledgeable about other cultures, well travelled and speak other languages.

Caring: This goes right along with the friendliness. Caring has often been portrayed as a “feminine trait” which it is, if it is expressed in a feminine way. Think of the stern master seargent or master chief in the military. They are stoic disciplinarians, and you don’t want to get on their bad side. Really, this sterness is caring. They must be the strict in order to teach men to survive almost unsurvivable situations. Often, a masculine man needs to be very stern, the disciplinarian. He does this in his role at work and particularly in the home. This comes from his ultimate care of the one whom he disciplines and cannot be compared to putting someone else down in order to elevate himself.

Virility: To me this is something that we often overlook. I have met several very masculine men in my life who were in their 70’s yet maintained this youthful kind of energy and enthusiasm. If my memory serves me, the things they had in common were as follows: they were either retired or ex military, police or they were foreigners. They were all physically active, mentally sharp, aware, friendly and paternal. What does it mean to be virile? Virility is strength, drive, manliness and even your sex drive. Virility encompasses all of these above mentioned qualities; I never met and older, virile man who was angry, depressed or complaining. Much of this virility comes from a long held belief in their own masculinity and a positive type of entitlement, particularly in regards to women and how they expect to be treated by women. As I think about it these men in their later years also possess clarity and acuity. This is how important T levels are in older age. No matter how old you are in the present moment, now is the time to start. Don’t let yourself degenerate in thought. Study a foreign language, music or simply study things that will interest you and keep your brain working. Never stop learning. The other thing that I noticed about these men is that all of them were fit even into their 70’s and 80’s.

 

 

The Irresistable Man

Ok, turn down the volume on the cheesy love song, the real meat of this video is in the non verbal communication. Pay close attention. Actually, listen to the lyrics because this is how women want to feel, this is what a man does to them. What makes them feel this way is a masculine man. Be that man. More and more we need to go back to movies made in earlier times to see true alpha behavior, in particular with women.

I rewatched “Top Gun” recently. It is amazing how much has changed in thirty years. This is a movie about masculinity, pure and simple. It was a time where the military was still a man’s domain. It was a time of masculine competition between men who were striving to be the best at what they did. It was a time where being a man with women was a way to get her to fall in love with you. There is no angst in this movie. There is no main character coming to grips with his past or having an epiphany about the wrong headed masculine way he has gone about his life. This movie was so refreshing that it will become part of the official Classical Man movie collection.

Cold Showers and Excellence

After taking ice cold showers in the morning for several years, I recently realized what I had truly learned from these showers.

What I realized is that I was doing the bare minimum, just kind of sucking it up and getting it over with. This was fine, but after a while I needed to grow. It was then that I realized this was a moment to excel, to push myself. The cold shower itself was uncomfortable enough, but forcing myself to stand under it the complete time and other small adjustments enabled me to push myself further.

There is a huge difference between doing something, even something strong or noble, with an aggressive attitude or a defensive attitude. The difference lies in this: with any combat sport if you get back on your heels and just block punches you will eventually get hit. Actually, you are gonna get pulverized. If you get aggressive, block and counter you may still get hit, but you are going to move the fight in your direction.

How many times have you gone into the gym to crush a workout and only wound up doing the bare minimum to call it a work out? Yes, you did it, but did you do it with excellence? This is difficult. One of the temptations in being task oriented is to become robotic just doing the task and crossing it off of your list. Don’t get me wrong, laying the foundation of making lists and completing them is necessary, but this is a stage that you must grow out of. The next stage is deeper, this is the arena where you battle not only your physical limitations but your emotional and spiritual limitations as well. This is a battle that we will all face for the rest of our lives.

The lesson applies to all facets of our existence. In work it will make the difference between a life of mediocrity and a life of excellence. For instance, if you have a blog in the hopes of making money you will want to work on it daily. You can write a few sentences here and there. Technically you’ve done what you set out to do; the bare minimum. The other option is to write, research, learn and doing whatever it takes to make your blog a success. This is excellence.

I recently began reading an autobiography of a man who completed Kyokushin Karate’s “30 Man Kumite”. For those unfamiliar with this, it is a grueling sparring session against 30 men consecutively for 1 minute each. The skill of the fighters faced also increases with each man. There are some certified bad asses roaming this planet who have also completed the “100 Man Kumite” and a “300 Man Kumite”. I digress. This book is interesting in that it is really the author’s karate autobiography. The point is that all of his training for his whole life came down to this moment, it prepared him for this moment. All of the difficult training was its own philosophy, it taught him what he needed to learn. It taught him to understand in strength. Had the author not pursued excellence in his training at all times he may not have been passed this test later in his life.

It takes work and strength of mind to build ourselves up in this way. We live in a society where people expect accolades for just showing up. We also live in a society where appearing to be is just as good as actually being. We all want the rewards without the blood, sweat and tears. This is one of the many, many benefits of the combat arts; when you get into the ring or on the mat with someone else you are authentic, there is no faking your skills. There are no excuses, you find out who you really are and what you are made of. I recently watched a documentary on Vice’s “Fightland” about a dojo in Amman, Jordan. One interviewee, a very religious man, stressed how he was planning on fighting in the ring because he said, “I don’t want to lie to others and I don’t want to lie to myself.” He wanted to find out exactly what he was made of. He was searching for authenticity. This is a truly noble search.

 

Understanding in Strength

My absolute favorite prose written about lifting weights is Henry Rollin’s “The Iron”. Its just phenomenal. In it he cites Yukio Mishima on strength. Mishima said that he could not contemplate romance unless he was strong. This really resonated with me and to be frank its something that I’ve written about extensively in my own journaling. What I have come up with is that in order to understand anything I must understand it in strength. I can only understand life when I am strong. These revelations have made a profound impact on my life.

Often when I was younger I searched for something that I could not put into words. What I searched for was a masculine identity. I searched like a thirsty man in the desert, looking for some sort of oasis to quench my unquenchable thirst. I didn’t find it. What was offered to me as masculinity was like drinking diet soda, people say it has great taste but its just not the same as the real deal. At the same time I was bombarded at school by female teachers treating me like there was something wrong with me for being interested in the things that boys are interested in. I found that there were sanctioned places to be men and I tried them only to find them utterly useless and disappointing. I knew there was more.

When writing in private on some of Mishima’s writings I have isolated what I searched for. Authentic masculinity is on the fringes. I thought about what my junior high and high school teachers would have thought about Mishima. He would have been branded a fanatic, a rebel on the fringes, someone counter to the zeitgeist of the times that is held so dear. This is exactly where Mishima’s authenticity lies. He is on the fringes, he scares because of his authenticity. He is what Ernst Junger would call the “Forest rebel”. I don’t know about his homeosexuality or bisexuality, these things seem up for debate, I will let others debate him. For our purposes he was a man with a background much like many of us today. One important thing that the young Yukio encountered was being raised by women and around girls a lot as a child. This had a profound impact on his life. Now comes the line of departure; he knew that he wasn’t getting what he needed to get to become a man, so he did what he needed to do to change it. He had an Epiphany of sorts and made the appropriate changes. I laugh when I read critics talking about how he swung in the opposite direction to a “hypermasculinity”. What else was he supposed to do? Just sit there and take it like the rest of them? No, he began to get into natural bodybuilding, martial arts and swordsmanship. He lamented that the spiritual aspect of the samurai code was no longer being passed down from father to son in Japan.

These experiences led Mishima to understand that strength comes first. As Henry Rollins says in the Iron, ” a strong body will produce strong thoughts.” This is right out of Mishima’s classic “Sun and Steel”. Training and excercises in self discipline condition the mind to think in a strong way. I have seen in my own life that particularly with weight training, the greatest limitation on my progress are my own thoughts. Right now is all that we have, right now is the time to change our thinking. Right now is the time to be strong.

Thinking in a strong way is difficult, we are not taught to do this, its actually discouraged. I would venture to guess that very few men are taught how to think in a strong manner today. Some try to compensate with braggadocio and putting others down. Others embrace their “feminine side” or cede any remaining scrap of their masculinity to women. Neither of these ways of thinking are strong ways of thinking. Strong thinking is incredibly difficult. I don’t pretend to know it, as a matter of fact, through my journaling I only recently became able to put it into words. What I do know is that when I practice it my entire world is turned upside down. I feel positive, strong, a sense of well being and my creativity doubles. My workouts also improve dramatically in intensity. I do not accept anything less than living up to my commitments to myself.

Understanding in strength is the masculine way, the way of the warrior. We must first seek strength. We must be true to ourselves. Every time that we sell ourselves out we feel the repurcussions in our lives. Mishima understood this well when he wrote, “Cowardly words make the heart itself cowardly, and being regarded by others as a coward is the same as being a coward. The slightest flaw in word or deed causes the collapse of one’s philosophy of life. This can be a hard truth to bear.”